A More Fortunate Series of Events
by VeronicaWeasley
Summary: My retelling of the Baudelaires' story. I tried to give them a bit more good fortune.
1. Chapter 1

Introduction

If you have opened this book, then I'm sure you have read the unfortunate history of the Baudelaire orphans. Perhaps you were dissatisfied with The End, or you lie awake at night, wondering about the fate of the Quagmire triplets. Or perhaps you have pored over all thirteen volumes, as a million questions ran round your head. Could Olivia have been saved? What about Dewey and Kit? Is Fiona really that bad? What happened to Carmelita Spats? If something changed, could Olaf have been officially brought to justice?

I, too, have studied Lemony Snicket's books cover to cover, against countless newspapers and pieces of evidence, and I found that he stretched the truth.

What if I told you that the unfortunate history of the Baudelaire orphans wasn't as unfortunate as you have been led to believe?

My name is Raspberry Bernard, and it is my solemn duty to re-chronicle the history of the Baudelaires, as well as find answers to all the questions that keep you lying awake at night.

Chapter One

Before we begin our tale, I must inform you that the first 6 3/4 of Mr. Snicket's books were factually accurate, and therefore occurred in exactly the same way.

The Fowl Fountain creaked open, revealing two shivering Quagmire triplets.

"Klaus!" Isadora cried, running out of the fountain and throwing her arms around her friend.

"I knew you would figure it out," Duncan said, stepping out of the fountain.

"We started investigating the moment we saw the herring statue in that old bar," Violet explained.

"You didn't happen to see anything written in that, did you?"

"Oh..." Violet paused. "No, we didn't have time to examine it closely."

She and Duncan stood there smiling at each other for a moment, until Sunny said "Vamanos," meaning something along the lines of: "We better get moving, the angry mob is coming this way!"

Klaus picked up his sister, and the four children still on the ground began to run. Violet led the way around a corner to where the old fire truck was parked, which she had fixed up the night before the Baudelaires had been thrown in jail.

"Where are we going?" Isadora asked as she, Klaus, and Sunny climbed into the backseat.

"Anywhere but here is fine with me," said Duncan, getting into the front passenger seat.

Violet started the engine. "Down the road a ways, we'll stop there and climb into a hot air mobile home."

"It's a sort of enormous hot air balloon that people can live on," Klaus explained for the Quagmires' benefit.

"Oh. Fun," Isadora said, though her tone indicated that she did not find the idea fun at all. In fact, she sounded a bit afraid at the prospect of living up in the air.

Violet drove away from the village, the mob of citizens hot on the children's heels. When she began to slow down to stop under the hot air mobile home, Duncan leaned over and sort of fell on her, forcing her to keep her foot in the gas petal.

"Duncan! What are you doing?"

"Saving our lives!" Duncan yelled from his awkward position. Violet tried to shove him off, but her efforts were fruitless.

"That is the opposite of what you're doing!" The fire truck swerved. Isadora screamed and grabbed the object nearest to her, which happened to be Klaus. Duncan grabbed the steering wheel and turned the vehicle back into the road.

Violet pried Duncan's hands off of the wheel and tried to turn around, which did not go well at all. The fire engine ended up horizontal in the middle of the road.

"Just keep driving!" Klaus suggested from the backseat.

"What do you think I was trying to do?" Violet asked through gritted teeth. Duncan chose this moment to grab the wheel again. He smoothly turned the truck out of its sideways position and got it back on track, a phrase which here means: "headed deeper into the Hinterlands and away from the Village of Fowl Devotees."

...…...

Hours later, the sun had just begun one of the famous Hinterland sunsets. The sunsets in the Hinterlands were famous for their large scale. The flat land led straight to a great open sky, making the world seem alarmingly big.

The passengers in the backseat of the fire engine were all fast asleep. Isadora was leaning on Klaus' shoulder, Sunny in her lap. Klaus had his arms around the two of them.

"You should get some sleep," Violet told Duncan, who glanced behind him at his sister.

"I'm okay."

Violet put a hand on Duncan's arm. "Don't worry, she's safe."

"I'm not worrying, I just..." His voice trailed off.

He had spent nearly two years trailing off.

**Author's Note: I own nothing, except for the name Raspberry Bernard. Everything else belongs to Lemony Snicket.**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

"Okay lovebirds, time to get up!" Duncan shook his sister awake. Isadora blearily lifted her head off of Klaus' lap.

"Where are we?" Klaus asked.

"Last Chance General Store," Duncan said, leading his sister and friend inside.

They snuck past the manager, who was too busy stacking day-old pastries to notice them anyway. Duncan led Klaus and Isadora to the back of the store, where Violet was tapping out a message in Morse code on a telegraph device, and Sunny was listening to make sure the message went through correctly.

Violet handed the Quagmires some clothes to change into. After they did so, Violet had finished her telegraph, and the five children walked back outside to eat breakfast in the V.F.D. fire truck.

"Do you want the good news or the bad news?" Violet asked, munching on untoasted bread.

The Quagmire triplets both had their mouths full of food, so Klaus was the one to answer. "Bad news."

"Gas costs money, and the fire truck is out."

Duncan swallowed. "And the good news?"

"There isn't any," Violet admitted.

"So we're stuck in the middle of the Hinterlands?" Isadora asked.

At that moment, a delivery truck for The Daily Punctilio pulled up to Last Chance General Store. The delivery man stepped out with a bundle of newspapers and entered the store without noticing the gang of children sitting outside.

"Lou, is that you?" The store manager called.

"Milt, put down those scones and take a look at today's headline," said Lou, the delivery man. " Murderous Orphans Spotted in the Hinterlands." The five children looked at one another in horror.

"I know those kids," said Milt, the store manager. "They're right outside."

"Run," Violet whispered. The orphans were about to do so when a long, black automobile pulled into the spot next to the fire truck, and a very familiar man stepped out.

The children pressed themselves into the bed of the fire engine. The only sounds to be heard were the conversation inside the general store, the sound of the bell as Count Olaf walked in, and occasionally the children's own rapid breathing. The two sets of siblings climbed out of the truck, finding themselves against the villainous automobile. From inside, they could hear Esmé telling a very boring story.

Duncan directed the others' attention to a van parked at the edge of the store. The van was blue, and decorated with a pattern of music notes. The children crept toward the van, stopping in front of the doors, labeled V.F.D.

A man with a beard and hair threw the doors open. "Welcome volunteers! Come on in!"

**Author's Note:**

**Please review if you liked the chapter! **

**JustVildaPotter: I was hoping you would like it! I'm glad you find the story awesome (inspiring awe). Of course, I will keep writing.**


	3. Chapter 3

**AnnieRavenclaw707: Me too! It drives me crazy every time I see the triplets float away in that hot-air mobile home, so I decided to do something about it.**

**Angryfanfic: Thanks! Glad you liked it.**

**JustVildaPotter: Thanks for the review! The "man with a beard and hair" was originally just a man with a beard, but then I thought about the menacing duo and changed the description. Keep writing, and enjoy the next chapter!**

Chapter Three

As the van rumbled through the Hinterlands, its passengers sat, smiling at the five children who had unwillingly joined their ranks.

"I think we've got the wrong V.F.D.," Isadora whispered to her brother.

"Really? What gave you that idea?" Duncan hissed back, the sarcasm clear in his voice. This earned him a sharp slap in the arm. "Ow!"

"What does V.F.D. stand for?" Violet inquired.

"I'm glad you asked, sister!" The bearded man pulled a guitar out of nowhere.

"Actually, my name is-"

But the smiling people never learned Violet's name, as they interrupted her with song.

_We are volunteers fighting disease and we're cheerful all day long. _

_If someone said that we were sad, that person would be wrong. _

_Tra la la, fiddle dee dee, hope you get well soon. _

_Ho ho ho, hee hee hee, have a heart-shaped balloon!_

The song continued for five more verses. When it finally ended, Duncan and Isadora clapped obediently, a word which here means: "out of habit from spending so much time around Vice Principal Nero and Count Olaf, two terrible performers who requested applause when they were not worthy of it."

"My name is Violet, and these are my siblings-" Violet started again.

"Oh, we don't bother with names," the bearded man interrupted. "In this organization, we call everyone 'brother' and 'sister'."

"Brothers and sisters are usually people who share parents," Klaus pointed out. "Like Duncan and Isadora."

"But we're willing to make an exception," Isadora said quickly, not wanting to start an argument with a van of overly cheery people.

"I am a _violinist_!" Duncan whispered to Violet. "I have no time to make exceptions!" Violet giggled.

"Duncan and Isadora?" A volunteer in the back asked. "Aren't those the names of those child murderers?"

"Did you read that in The Daily Punctilio?" asked Duncan nervously. "Because that newspaper isn't entirely trustworthy-"

"Oh, we never read the newspaper," the peppiest volunteer said. "Our motto is: No News is Good News!"

"That seems sensible," Duncan said, although anyone who knew Duncan Quagmire knew that this was not a statement an aspiring journalist would find sensible in any way.

...

If you have read Mr. Snicket's work, then you can assume that the next event in the story was the children's arrival and entrance to the finished half of Heimlich Hospital. You should already know that the children went to meet with Babs, a very nervous woman who was head of Human Resources and the Party-Planning Committee. You should already know about the children's meeting with Hal in the library of records, and his explanation of how the filing system worked, as well as his warning to only glance at the files.

So I will skip ahead in our story, to the night the Baudelaire and Quagmire orphans spent in the unfinished half of the hospital.

"I can't believe we spent a while day in a library without learning anything," Klaus lamented.

"We spent three semesters in a school without learning anything," Isadora noted.

"At least you two finally got a chance to share your notes on V.F.D.," Violet told the Quagmire triplets.

"But now we have the mystery of that film Hal recieved," Duncan said.

"I know. There has to be a way to get into the library of records after hours." Sunny babbled something. "No Sunny, we can't break in. That's a dreadful thing to do, and even if we did, I don't think I would be able to pick the lock."

"We could steal Hal's keys," Duncan suggested. "If we took small pieces of metal and attached them to your hair ribbon, it would feel just like a set of keys."

"He had a point," Isadora agreed. " And I say we go for it. Look who's coming this way."

Hal was walking across the scaffolding, unsteadily balancing six bowls of soup on a tray. The man had the balance of a blind cat.

"Hal," Klaus said, helping him walk across, " how did you know we were out here?"

"You children are just like me," Hal said. "You know how pleasant it is to sleep under the stars on a night like this."

Hal passed the children the soup bowls. The bowls were cold, and contained a few cucumber slices floating in water. The Baudelaires immediately set down their bowls, and the Quagmire triplets followed suit. Hal didn't seem to notice. He sat down next to the children.

"Tell me, how did five children such as yourselves end up in the Hinterlands?"

"We joined Volunteers Fighting Disease," Isadora lied smoothly.

"And what did your parents think about that?"

"Our parents are dead," Violet admitted.

"I'm very sorry to hear that," Hal said.

They all sat in silence for a moment, until Hal stood up. "I really must be going. Good night children, I shall file you under P for People I trust most in the world." He walked unsteadily back to the finished side of the hospital.

"It looks like we'll have to think of another way to look at that film," Violet said. "Without double-crossing a man going blind."

"You underestimate us, Violet." Duncan held up Hal's ring of keys.

**Author's Note:**

***puts out hand like Mona Lisa Saperstein on Parks and Rec* Reviews pleeeease!**

**Thanks to everyone who has followed and added this story to their favorites so far. You guys rock!**

**I wrote this story on paper first, and I am delighted to say I finished it last night. All I have to do now is post it here.**

**Happy 4th of July to all my American readers out there. Everyone else, enjoy a normal everyday day.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey guys, sorry I haven't posted in a while. I wanted to post something on Dylan Kingwell's birthday (July 6), but that never happened. Anyway, enjoy the chapter after a short review response.**

**JustVildaPotter: Thanks so much!**

...

Chapter Four

"There may or may not have been a locked cupboard where our parents kept birthday presents," Isadora told her friends as they walked briskly to the Library of Records. "Servants are remarkably easy to distract."

Certain assumptions can be made about people when they share things without telling the whole story. For instance, if I told someone about my deep hatred of bananas without telling the whole story, that person might make the assumption that I am a picky eater, because they do not know that I have had the misfortune to be a part of a very unfortunate accident involving a banana.

When you hear Isadora say what she said to the Baudelaires; you, as the Baudelaire children were, might be making the assumption that the Quagmire triplets were in truth spoiled children with nothing better to do than torment household servants, rather than the kind and generous friends they had previously thought them to be. But as I said, neither you nor the Baudelaire orphans know the whole story.

The whole story, however, is better saved for another time, as I must return to the scene I am writing before my enemies (and the oncoming storm) catch up to me.

Violet unlocked the library door, and the five companions stood, wondering where to begin. "Hal said he had specific instructions on where to file anything labeled Snicket. So maybe 'S' for 'Snicket'".

"Or 'J', for 'Jacques'," Klaus suggested.

"Or," Isadora said, in a tone implying the obvious choice, "we could start with 'V'."

"V.F.D.!" Sunny squeaked, and the orphans headed for the 'V' aisle.

Violet located and unlocked the proper filing cabinet, and quickly scanned the files. With a triumphant cry of "Got it!" she pulled out the film.

Duncan had already set up a projector at the other end of the room. Violet handed him the film, and watched to make sure he put it in correctly. He did, and an image of a familiar man flickered to life on the wall in front of the children. Jacques Snicket.

"Before we begin, I have an important update," Jacques said to the interviewer. "It appears there may have been a survivor of the fire."

"Which fire?" Isadora and Klaus whispered in surprised unison.

"Orphans! Come out, come out wherever you are!" shrieked the voice of a woman.

The children had been so focused on the task that they hadn't heard the library door open, announcing the arrival of the dreaded Esmé Squalor.

"Duncan, Klaus, Izzy, take Sunny and head for the OUT chute. I'll pack this up and meet you there," Violet said, turning off the projector and beginning to roll up the film. Isadora picked up Sunny, and ran towards the outgoing file chute; followed closely by Klaus and Duncan.

"You have something I want!" Esmé's voice echoed off the walls, her stiletto heels clicking on the floor as she came closer to the orphans. "It's small, round." Esmé cursed as one of her heels got stuck in the floor. "Full of secrets."

Isadora pulled the chute open and deposited Sunny inside. Klaus followed. "Duncan, you next." Isadora held the chute open for her brother. There was a loud crash as Esmé knocked over a row of file cabinets.

"No," Duncan said, glancing in the direction of the projectors.

"What do you mean, no?"

Duncan reached into his pocket and pulled out his dark green notebook, which he handed to his sister. "I mean no, as in the word for a negative response. I've got to buy Violet some time." He pushed Isadora toward the chute.

"No, you don't. I'm not losing you too." Isadora tried to force the notebook back into her brother's hand.

"I'm sorry, Iz." Duncan pushed his sister and his notebook into the OUT chute, just as Esmé sent a row of filing cabinets crashing into it. "Hey Esmé! I hear orphans are IN!"

"Duncan, what are you doing?" Violet cried.

And then she screamed, the sound piercing the air, leaving nothing but silence in its wake.

**That's a wrap! Please review if you liked the chapter. **

**Thanks to everyone who followed and added this story to their favorites. I'll try to have another chapter up soon. Until then, have a Very Fine Day!**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

"Izzy. Isadora. Isadora Quagmire!"

"Huh?" Isadora turned to Klaus, her eyes red and her face splotchy.

"We should get moving. We need to find Violet and Duncan."

"Yes." Isadora took a deep breath. "Yes, you're right. L-let's find Violet."

"Sunny crawled over to Isadora and placed a tiny hand on her arm. "Greenie."

"Duncan will be okay," Klaus reassured his friend. "I promise, we'll find him."

...

"Duncan. Duncan, are you awake?"

The dark-haired boy laying in the hospital bed next to Violet blinked awake. "Where are we?"

"Tied to a bed in some hospital room."

"Oh, great. I'm trapped in another small space with a girl."

It was at that moment that Violet realized something about Duncan she had not previously known. "You're claustrophobic."

"Me? No. I just feel like this room is a bit cramped, don't you?" Duncan struggled against his bonds.

Violet laughed. "Sure."

"Hey, you'd be afraid too if you got trapped in the bottom of an elevator shaft!"

"So you admit it!"

Duncan groaned. "Just untie me already."

"Self-centered, much?" Violet said jokingly, sitting up and untying the rope around her feet. "Come on," she cut Duncan free. "We're getting out of here."

The two children climbed out of the bed and crossed the room to Babs. Duncan untied her; after warning her to be quiet the trio went in search of a fast way out of the hospital. They slipped into a break room to talk over a plan. Babs began to laugh nervously.

"If we put on these medical coats and disguise ourselves as doctors we can wander freely around the hospital," Violet said, grabbing some white coats off the coat rack.

Duncan smiled. "That's what our siblings would do."

"I'll do it!" Babs shrieked. "I'll do anything! I want to live!"

"Well that's a shame, isn't it?" The trio turned. Count Olaf stood in the doorway, looking at them with a menacing grin. "We don't always get what we want."

...

Moments before the previous scene, a different trio entered the break room.

"What do we do now?" Klaus asked. "We'll never find our siblings if we wander around the hospital singing all day."

"If we could get a look at a patient list, we could figure out where Olaf is hiding Duncan and Violet," Isadora said. "But no one is going to hand over their patient list to a couple of children."

"Incognito," Sunny squeaked, pointing to a rack of medical coats and a fake beard.

Isadora smiled. "If Olaf can fool people by wearing disguises I don't see why we can't."

Klaus nodded. "Let's get to work."

A few minutes later, Klaus and Isadora with Sunny tied to her exited the break room.

"Excuse me, you there!" Klaus called to a passing volunteer fighting disease. The volunteer turned.

"My colleague and I have misplaced our patient list," Isadora said in a fake British accent. "Might we have a look at yours?"

"I'm afraid I need my list," the volunteer said. "But I'm sure that other doctor over there would be happy to lend you his."

"Who requires my assistance?" Count Olaf in disguise asked. His nametag read: Dr. Matthias Medicalschool.

"We were wondering if we might see your..." Isadora's voice trailed off as Olaf came closer.

"If we might see your patient list," Klaus finished for her.

"You both look a bit young to be doctors," Count Olaf said. "Where did you study medical school?"

"Oxford," Klaus said matter-of-factly, not pointing out that you study _at_ medical school.

"Sure you did. I'd be happy to make you a copy of the list in my office. This one looks like she could use the exercise." Olaf poked Isadora's over-large stomach, which was really Sunny under her hospital coat.

"Sir, we have a patient in urgent need of medicine," Isadora lied.

"And you wouldn't want the public to know that a patient died on your watch," Klaus said, stepping right in front of Count Olaf. "Would you, Dr. Medicalschool?"

"All right," Olaf said through gritted teeth. He spun his clipboard around, making the list impossible to see. "I saved a life today. You're welcome, um... What did you say your names were?"

"I'm Dr. Faustus," Klaus said promptly. "And this is my colleague, Dr. um..."

"You don't know your own partner's name? Awkward."

"Tushman. Dr. Tushman," Isadora said.

"Tushman?"

"M.D."

"Hmphf." Olaf walked away.

Klaus and Isadora waited for him to turn a corner before speaking.

"Now what?" Isadora asked. In response, Sunny's tiny hand poked out of Isadora's coat, holding the patient list tight. "Your sister is amazing!"

...

"You're a very naughty girl, Violet," Esmé Squalor said as she and the white-faced women belted Violet to a hospital bed.

"What have you done with Duncan?" Violet cried, struggling to get free.

"Well, as much as I enjoy young love, you were quite the bad influence on him. We decided to separate you two."

"We call that forbidden love," one of the white-faced women said.

"Now it's time for you to sleep," said the other woman, fixing a plastic mask to Violet's face.

Esmé counted back from ten, and Violet blacked out.

...

No matter how much Duncan struggled, he couldn't free himself from the chair. "Let me go!"

The hook-handed man rolled his eyes. "Honestly boy, do you really think yelling at me is going to make me obey you?"

"Well, what would make you let me go?"

"You could beat me in poker."

"Bring out the cards."

"Okay." The hook-handed man stood up. "Wait! No! You won't get away that easily. Not this time." The man wheeled over an anesthesia machine. He strapped a mask to Duncan's face. "Sweet dreams."

**These chapters feel really long when I'm writing them, but when I go back and read them they seem really short? Do you think the chapters are too short?**

**Please review if you have any comments, questions, or suggestions. You can also review simply to say you liked the chapter.**

**Well, that's all for now. See you in the next chapter!**


	6. Chapter 6

**I looked over my story, and it turns out the chapters were a _lot_ shorter than I thought they were. I will do my best to make the chapters longer from now on. Enjoy this (hopefully longer) chapter!**

Chapter Six

"There's no Duncan Quagmire or Violet Baudelaire anywhere on this list," Klaus said after looking over the list several times. He and Isadora were back in the breakroom, trying to find Violet and Duncan.

"Of course there isn't," Isadora said. She took out Duncan's notebook and flipped through the pages. She stopped on a page with a single phrase inscribed upon it. _Al Funcoot = Anagram._ "Count Olaf likes to use anagrams to hide things. An anagram is-"

"A word that can be rearranged to make another word. I know."

"Right. And the playwright Al Funcoot is-"

"An anagram of Count Olaf."

"Yes. Olaf must have scrambled our siblings names and hidden them somewhere in the patient list. Let me see..." Isadora studied the list carefully. She rested her finger on a particular name. "Look at this:"

"Laura V. Bleediote," Klaus read. "If you rearrange the letters, it spells-"

"Violet Baudelaire."

"She's in room 922 with Quinn G. Ducamare."

Isadora smiled. "That's Duncan."

"Let's go."

Klaus, Isadora, and Sunny (now being carried by Klaus) rushed through the hospital to room 922. They burst through the door and found the bed-

"Empty. It's empty," Isadora said, sounding defeated. "Where are they?"

"Where are who?" Esmé Squalor appeared in the doorway, holding a very sharp and scary looking knife.

"What happened to the patients in this room?" Klaus asked in his disguised voice.

"The adorable couple? They're being prepped for surgery. Or at least, the girl is. I don't know what they've done with the boy." Isadora gasped. "Do you know them or something?"

The intercom on the wall crackled to life. "Paging Dr. Tushman, paging Dr. Tushman. This is Dr. Matthias Medicalschool, head of Human Resources. I have nothing to do with party planning. Would Dr. Tushman please report to the Human Resources office? Dr. Faustus, you are needed in the operating theatre to perform the first Crainoectemy ever on a teenage girl.

"Tickets are being sold in exchange for any valuables of any kind. That will be all." The announcement ended.

Klaus and Isadora stared at one another in shock. Esmé had conveniently vanished.

"They-they want me to cut off Violet's head," Klaus could barely speak.

"Well, that doesn't mean you have to, does it?" Isadora's words did not comfort Klaus in any way. "Go to the operating theatre and stall the operation. I'll get Duncan from the Human Resources office and meet you there."

"What if it's a trap? I don't want you to go alone. I can't risk losing you." Klaus blushed. "I mean, I can't risk you getting kidnapped again."

Isadora gave Klaus a quick kiss on the cheek, just the way she had back at Prufrock Prep, before she and Duncan had gotten kidnapped. "I'll be fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." Isadora retied Sunny into the sling they had made to enhance the doctor disguise. "Now go."

Klaus dashed off to the operating theatre.

...

Isadora arrived at the Human Resources office and knocked on the door.

Count Olaf spoke from inside. "Ah, Dr. Tushman. We've been expecting you. Come in."

A quick glance around the small room showed Isadora that there was no place Olaf could be hiding Duncan. Klaus had been right. This was most certainly a trap.

"What do you want?" Isadora asked, taking in the image of Count Olaf at a desk, with Babs tied to a chair behind him.

"Well, I thought it best if you didn't witness the operation. After all, stress can cause birth defects." Olaf gestured to the concealed Sunny under the medical coat.

Isadora glared at the Count. "You and I both know I'm not pregnant. What have you done with my brother?"

"He and his girlfriend are in the operating theatre, about to have their heads cut off."

"No."

"Yes. But it's you I want to talk to. I know what you carry around in your pocket."

"I don't have the Snicket File. Klaus does."

"Snicket File? What-Oh never mind. I'll deal with that later.

"No, I'm talking about those obnoxious little notebooks you and your brother carry around, writing down my secrets and schemes whenever you have the chance. I want them."

"And _what _makes you think I would hand them over to you?"

"Is it not clear, Isabelle?"

"Isadora."

"That's what I said. If you were to give me the notebooks, I would spare your brother's life. It's terribly cruel to murder a child, especially a twin one. But of course, if you refuse, then it's off with his head." Count Olaf grinned sickeningly at the literary reference.

Isadora considered the offer. "_If _I gave you the notebooks, would you promise to leave us alone? Stop chasing after our fortune?"

Olaf paused, then said with an even wider grin: "Certainly. But know that this offer does not extend to your boyfriend or his sister."

"Fine."

"Do we have a deal?" Olaf stuck out his hand. Isadora deposited the notebooks in his palm rather than deciding to shake the hand of a villainous man who had kidnapped her.

"Deal."

"Now tell me about this Snicket File."

Once again, if you have read any of Mr. Snicket's work, you will know about Klaus' stalling of his sister's Crainioectemy, Count Olaf's burning of Heimlich Hospital, and the Baudelaire children's escape from another angry mob using one of Violet's inventions. If you simply insert the Quagmire triplets into these situations, you will get an idea of what happened next; saving me the paper and the trouble of writing down something you already know.

So I will once again skip ahead in our story, to the part where Violet's invention worked perfectly.

Violet's invention worked perfectly. The Baudelaires and Quagmires untied themselves from the rubbery cord, and snuck past the crowd of people trying to convict them as murderers and murderer accomplices for the second time that week.

"How do we get out of here?" Klaus asked.

"That's our way out," Violet said, pointing to the half-open trunk of Count Olaf's car.

Duncan stated at Violet, wide-eyed. "You have _got _to be kidding me."

A few moments later, the two Quagmires and the three Baudelaires were huddled together in the trunk of the dreaded black automobile. Within seconds of the children climbing aboard, Count Olaf drove away from the burning hospital and into the dark, dark night.

"You weren't kidding," Duncan said.

** Did I do a good job of writing a longer chapter? Please review and tell me what you thought.**

**If you didn't catch it, Isadora's doctor alias is a reference to the book** **_Wonder _by**** R.J. Palacio. In the book, the main character's father remarks on how funny it would be to hear the principal's name over the loudspeaker. "Paging Mr. Tushman." I couldn't resist.**

**Up next will be a short stay at a certain carnival, followed by a meeting with a suspicious survior, and a journey with a special submarine captain. See you in the next chapter!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Fear not, faithful readers! I haven't abandoned you. I've been busy all week preparing for the city swim meet, but now that that's over I have more time to publish chapters.**

**But first, a review response:**

**JustVildaPotter: Thank you so much! Your reviews make my day, as do your stories. Keep doing _your _thing, that is, keep writing!**

**And now on with the story!**

Chapter Seven

When the five children climbed out of Count Olaf's trunk the next morning, the first thing they saw was the fortune-telling tent at Caligari Carnival. Printed on the side of the tent was an image of an eye. The orphans knew that if you looked closely at this eye, you could see it was made up of three letters: V, F, and D. Together, these three letters formed the name of a secret organization. They knew they were in the right place.

"It looks like we're in the right place," Klaus said. "If that's the fortune-teller Count Olaf was looking for, she might be able to tell us if one of our parents really is alive." Klaus was referring to a conversation the children had overheard while in the trunk of Count Olaf's car the previous night. Count Olaf had announced in a loud, villainous way that he was setting course for a fortune-teller at Caligari Carnival.

"Which fire do you think Jacques meant?" Isadora said, asking the question that had kept all five children awake last night.

"Olaf seems to think it was our fire," said Violet. "But I want to know how he found out about the Snicket File in the first place."

Isadora but her lip. She had not yet told her friends and brother what she had encountered in Heimlich Hospital's Human Resources office.

"We can't worry about that now," Duncan said. "We should disguise ourselves with those costumes from Olaf's trunk."

Violet nodded approvingly at the idea. "That would buy us some time. But what should we disguise ourselves as?"

"Bizzaro," Sunny suggested, pointing to a sign reading: _Freaks Wanted._

...

The children had just put the finishing touches on their freak disguises when the hook-handed man emerged from the tent, muttering something about his sister and stepdad.

"Excuse me sir," Violet said in a fake Southern accent. "We're four freaks lookin' for work and we were wonderin' who we should speak to about that." A woman with big hoop earrings and a beaded headdress stepped out of the tent.

"It is too late for job interview, please. Come back in morning." she said, disregarding the fact that it was nearly afternoon.

Count Olaf stumbled up behind her. He was drunk somehow, though as I mentioned it was nearly afternoon. "Give the freaks a chance, Lulu," he slurred. "It can't be that hard to interview _ weirdos._"

With a sigh, the woman called Lulu led the five children into the fortune-telling tent.

"I'm Beverly, and this is my other head Elliott," Violet announced to the occupants of the tent. At her feet, Sunny growled. "And that's Chabo."

"She's half wolf," Klaus chimed in. He was disguised as the other head.

"What about your little friends back there?" Olaf asked. The Quagmires stepped forward.

"We're acrobats," said Duncan and Isadora in perfect unison. "Olly and Izzy."

"We also do magic," Isadora added.

"We have no room in carnival for magical acrobats, please." Lulu said. "But we could use stagehands." She turned to Count Olaf and his troupe. "Now go. I interview freaks in private please. Spirits will bring answer through crystal ball in next morning."

The villains obeyed. Perhaps they were too intoxicated to protest, for Olaf left the tent slumped on Esmé's shoulder.

The children followed Lulu into the dimly lit room in back of the tent.

"What would you like us to do?" Violet continued to disguise her voice.

"I'm afraid there is no place for you in freak show, please. Caligari Carnival is on hard times, and pack of starving lions makes world very quiet here."

The two Quagmire triplets stepped forward. "Who are you?" they asked in unison.

At this, Lulu removed her headdress, earrings, and fake teeth that had disguised her appearance and voice. "An old friend." Standing before the orphans was a woman they had met in a previous episode of their unfortunate lives. Though her encounter the Baudelaires had been brief, the Quagmires has known her for much longer, and recognized her immediately.

"Olivia!" Isadora cried.

"How did you end up here?" asked Duncan.

"I would ask you the same question, Quagmires." And Olivia was off, explaining everything she had been doing since the children had last seen her at Prufrock Prep, such as searching for the Quagmires, joining V.F.D., and meeting Jacques Snicket. Olivia explained how she made a deal with Esmé Squalor to escape the Village of Fowl Devotees, which led her to Caligari Carnival. She took up the position of Madame Lulu and had been collecting materials on the orphans' case to aid her research for the position. "If you don't mind, I'd like to have a look at those notebooks of yours," Olivia finished, looking at the Quagmire triplets.

"Iz, that reminds me. I forgot to ask for my notebook back." Duncan turned to his sister. Isadora had gone very white, and not just because of the white powder she and her brother had put on to disguise their faces.

"Well, the thing is, Duncan..." She started nervously.

"What did you do?"

"I sort of...well..." Isadora struggled to find the words. She took a deep breath, and said quickly: "I traded them to Count Olaf and made him promise to stop chasing after our fortune."

Duncan stared at his sister, open mouthed. "You _what?_"

"I'm really sorry, Duncan."

"Sorry? You being _sorry _isn't going to fix this! You know how important those notebooks were!"

"I know-"

"Because of you, they're gone!"

"I'm sure Olivia can get the notebooks back," Klaus said in an attempt to defend Isadora.

"Sure," Duncan said sarcastically, "If they haven't been used as kindling to burn down Heimlich Hospital." With that, Duncan turned on his heel and bolted from the fortune-telling tent.

"Duncan!" Violet ran after him, leaving Isadora, Klaus, and Olivia with the awkward silence hanging in the air.

Sunny growled.

**So yeah, if you haven't guessed it by now, I really like writing about family drama. I'll try not to make the story _too _dramatic, but there will be some triplet drama here and there.**

**A quick explanation of a literary reference: Isadora and Duncan's carnival aliases are the names of magical twins Olly and Izzy, from Neil Patrick Harris' _Magic Misfits _series.**

**And now a message to you, my readers! Please, please, _please _review to tell me what you thought of the chapter. Even if you hated it, I love reviews, and will respond to your review in the pre-chapter author's note of the next chapter. See you there!**


	8. Chapter 8

**AnnieRavenclaw707: Thanks for the review! I'm glad you loved it.**

**JustVildaPotter: You make a good point. Glad you liked the chapter!**

**Thanks for the support everybody! I hope this chapter lives up to your expectations.**

Chapter Eight

"Duncan?" Violet found the journalist leaning against a caravan on the other side of the carnival. Duncan was staring into space, with an blank expression Violet had seen a few times at Prufrock Prep. She knew he was thinking about his brother, Quigley, and the terrible fire that had destroyed his family and home. "Talk to me."

"There's nothing to talk about," Duncan said flatly.

"Then I'll do the talking. You've acted horribly towards your sister. What was so important about those notebooks anyway?"

Across the carnival, Klaus and Isadora were having the same conversation. Olivia had taken Sunny to visit the freaks caravan in order to give the children some privacy.

"You see," said Isadora, "the notebooks were a gift. From our parents."

"Oh." Before Klaus could stop himself, he added: "One of the hidden birthday presents?"

Isadora laughed. "I forgot I mentioned that! I was going to explain, but it slipped my mind. What have you been thinking this whole time?"

Klaus shrugged, a phrase which here means: "moved his shoulders up and down to represent confusion." "Something along the lines of you being spoiled rich kids like Carmelita Spats, with nothing better to do than bother your servants?"

"Just the one servant, actually," Isadora admitted. "A butler. The stereotypical kind, too. Mustache, bow tie. The works."

"And the presents?"

"Quigley's idea, of course. We really did have nothing better to do. Our parents were gone on a work trip and our birthday was at the end of the week." Isadora continued to talk, but it was more to herself than to Klaus. "I guess it wasn't so much a work trip as it was a mission for V.F.D. Father came back with a broken leg. He wouldn't give Quigley a straight answer when he asked about it. They got in a big fight, and..." Isadora's voice trailed off.

Klaus have her a concerned look. "Izzy, are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine." Isadora looked at Klaus as if she was seeing him for the first time, or she had just remembered something. She stood up abruptly. "I've got to find Duncan."

Isadora ran from the fortune-telling tent, straight into her brother. "Hey," she said breathlessly.

"Hey," Duncan said awkwardly.

Violet grinned at both of them. "Happy birthday."

"Will everyone _please _stop running around and explain what's going on?" said Klaus, stepping out of the fortune-telling tent with an annoyed look on his face.

"It's our fourteenth birthday today," Isadora explained.

"Happy birthday."

"And the anniversary of the Quagmire fire."

Klaus' mouth dropped open.

"Iz, you're supposed to lead with the bad news," said Duncan, ruffling his sister's hair.

"I-I'm sorry," Klaus stammered.

"Don't apologize." Isadora leaned close to Klaus' face and...

"Whoa whoa whoa," Duncan pushed the two apart. Isadora gave him a scathing look. "At least let us leave the room first." Shaking his head, he and Violet entered the fortune-telling tent, leaving their siblings alone together.

"Where were we?" said Klaus awkwardly.

Isadora leaned close to Klaus' face and did something she had been longing to do for a very long time. As the sun began to set in the west, lighting up the shabby tents and caravans of Caligari Carnival, Isadora Quagmire kissed Klaus Baudelaire.

And Klaus didn't mind one bit.

...

"Ahem." Sunny cleared her throat as a way of announcing her presence at the front of the fortune-telling tent, where she found her brother and friend in a lip-lock.

Klaus jumped and pulled himself away from Isadora. "Tell me you haven't been standing there the _whole _time!"

"Standing here long enough," said Sunny indignantly, placing a tiny hand on her tiny hip.

Violet came out of the fortune-telling tent. "There you are, Sunny!" Sunny made a noise of disgust, which could have been annoyance at being picked up by Violet, or complete horror at walking in on people kissing. Violet took it as the former. "You're still a baby, Sunny. You should be used to being carried." Sunny rolled her eyes.

Klaus and Isadora followed the Baudelaire girls into the tent, where they were filled in on the plan for leaving the carnival. As Olivia explained, Violet had turned one of the old rollercoaster cars into a regular automobile, and the five children would ride that up to the Mortmain Mountains. The orphans were to seek out V.F.D. headquarters in the mountains by way of a coded stain on a map of Olivia's; this placed headquarters in The Valley of the Four Drafts. Olivia would stay behind and stall Count Olaf for as long as possible.

Olivia handed Klaus a box of food, and ushered the children on their way, wishing them good luck on the journey.

"So Izzy," said Duncan as the rollercoaster car set off for the mountains, "what does Klaus' tongue feel like?"

Isadora slapped him in the back of the head with the map.

...

It was a long, hard journey through the Mortmain Mountains. The children had to endure a steep ascent in addition to harsh winds they had not dressed properly for.

The journey was particularly hard for Klaus and Isadora on account of their having to endure their sibling's torture, a phrase which here means: "seemingly endless jokes about kissing." Isadora finally shut Violet and Duncan up by threatening to freeze the two together by the lips if they didn't stop asking awkward questions. Klaus pointed out that the teasing set a bad example for Sunny, but his efforts were small potatoes compared to Isadora's threat.

Eventually, the rollercoaster turned automobile reached the end of its rope, a phrase which here means: "stopped working and left the orphans to travel the mountain range on foot." They trudged through the snow, shivering and thinking the situation couldn't possibly get any worse. Then Sunny asked a question that still sends a shiver down my spine every time I think of it.

"Wrackspurt?"

** What does "wrackspurt" mean? Alas, you'll have to wait for the next chapter. I knew this chapter was kind of all over the place, but I _really_ wanted to get them out of Caligari Carnival. W****e'll be back on track with the plot in the next chapter. See you there and please review!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Before we start, we have a quick review response.**

**AnnieRavenclaw707: WRACKSPURT.**

Chapter Nine

When we last left our heroes, they were having extraordinary adventures in a very pleasant mountain range.

The sentence above is something you can find in loads of other stories and comic book collections. However, it is not something you will find in this story. I implore you to pick up one of those other stories now, as I am about to return to the scene I was last writing.

By "Wrackspurt?" Sunny meant: "What is that strange cloud of little buzzing objects coming toward us?"

If you have read Mr. Snicket's work, you may already know the answer to this question. But if you have not, I suggest you put this book down and find something more pleasant to read. I warn you now, because it only gets worse from here.

Klaus studied the strange cloud of little buzzing objects coming toward them and gave Sunny a prompt, if vague, answer. "Oh no."

"What are those?" Violet asked.

"Snow gnats," Duncan explained. "Very organized mountain insects."

"They enjoy stinging people for no reason whatsoever," added Isadora. The dark, buzzing cloud of organized mountain insects drew closer. "Run!"

The five children ran down the mountain as fast as they could, but the snow gnats were faster. The insects caught up quickly and began to sting the helpless orphans.

"Smoke drives them away," Duncan yelled over the buzzing. "We need to start a fire!"

"Where are we going to find fire in a place like this?" Violet called back, trying to bat snow gnats away from her face and getting her hands stung as a result.

"There!" Sunny pointed frantically to a cave a short ways away. The children ran, skidding to a stop in the mouth of the cave. The snow gnats stopped short of the cave mouth. They turned and flew away in search of their next victims.

"Something in this cave must repel snow gnats," Isadora panted. Duncan turned around to examine the inside of the cave. Familiar footsteps approached the orphans. The look that crossed Duncan's face as this person approached suggested that he would rather take his chances with the snow gnats.

"Oh no," Klaus repeated as he and the others noticed what had Duncan in such a state of shock.

"Hello, cakesniffers." Carmelita Spats said.

"Carmelita," said Isadora, all trace of kindness gone from her voice. Perhaps she was remembering the year she and her brother had spent at Prufrock Preparatory School enduring the rude little girl's torment.

"Go _away,_ cakesniffers. This is a private cave."

"Now now, Carmelita." A man reprimanded. "Snow Scouts are supposed to be accommodating."

"But Uncle Bruce, I don't accommodate _cakesniffers_. Especially orphan ones who got expelled from Prufrock Prep."

"Their educational history does not matter. You know Snow Scouts are supposed to be-" at this the other occupants of the cave all spoke in unison.

"Accommodating, Basic, Calm, Darling, Emblematic, Frisky, Grinning, Human, Innocent, Jumping, Kept, Limited, Meek, Nap-loving, Official, Pretty, Quarantined, Recent, Scheduled, Tidy, Understandable, Victorious, Wholesome, Xylophone, Young, and Zippered, every morning, every afternoon, every night, and all day long!" At the end of the pledge, all of the scouts made a whispery, whistling sound, as if they were imitating the sound of wind.

"How can a person be 'xylophone'?" Isadora asked, fighting the urge to laugh.

"Uncle Bruce couldn't think of another word that started with 'x'." A scout in a fencing mask said, inviting the orphans further into the cave. "We have extra coats and masks if you need them."

Violet gave him a quizzical look. "Why would we need masks?"

"They keep the Snow Gnats away when you're outdoors. And when you're indoors, they make a Very Furtive Disguise."

The children shared a look.

"Thanks, we're good." Sunny piped up.

* * *

Later that night, after many recitations of the Snow Scout alphabet pledge, many explanations of the Snow Scouts doing the same thing every year, and many long, boring stories from Carmelita Spats, the mysterious scout spoke again.

"I bet our visitors have a story," he said. "People who wander the mountains all day are bound to have encountered some Viciously Frightening Danger."

"Yes," said the scout master, who had told the five children to call him Uncle Bruce. "Has anything terrible ever happened to you, travelers?"

Of course, many terrible things had happened in the lives of the Baudelaire and Quagmire orphans. Their experiences could have filled thirteen books of various sizes, and even that wouldn't have been able to capture the whole story.

"Actually, nothing terrible happened to us until we ran into the snow gnats," said Duncan.

"We've had a Vivaciously Filling Day," Isadora added, looking directly at the masked scout.

"But when the snow gnats chased us, it made for a Very Frightening Descent," said Violet.

"I imagine so," said the scout in the mask.

"It could have been worse," Klaus put in. "We could have been forced to eat Vinegar-Flavored Doughnuts."

"Or Very Fermented Daquiris."

"This is the most boring story I've ever heard!" Carmelita interrupted. "I feel sick from eating so many marshmallows. Let's go to bed so we can crown me False Spring Queen!"

"It doesn't have to be you, Carmelita," Uncle Bruce pointed out.

"But I'm the most accommodating! I'm going to let the cakesniffers sleep under our old horse blankets!"

"You spilled nail polish all over those," said the masked scout. "That's hardly accommodating."

"It doesn't matter if I'm accommodating or not. I always get crowned False Spring Queen because Uncle Bruce really is my uncle and he likes me best."

"Hooray for nepotism."

"You're just a jealous cakesniffer! Just for that, you have to sleep away from the fire with the _orphans_." Carmelita threw the nail polish covered blankets to the Baudelaires.

The masked scout rolled up his sleeping bag and joined the _orphans _away from the fire.

"We never meant to get you in trouble," Isadora said apologetically.

"Don't worry about it," the scout said. "Get some sleep and meet me at the top of the Vertical Flame Diversion in a few hours. I can help you find what you're looking for." He shouldered his backpack and walked away, leaving the five with his sleeping bag, more unanswered questions, and the prospect of yet another sleepless night.

**Please review with any comments, criticisms, or questions you may have.**

**In the next chapter, the identity of the masked scout will be revealed! (I know you all probably know already.) See you there!**


	10. Chapter 10

**I survived my first two weeks of high school, and I'm back with another chapter! A friendly Guest review has ORDERED me to write more, so here I am. Thank you, Guest.**

** Here we go!**

Chapter Ten

The fire had fizzled out completely, enveloping the cave in darkness, when Duncan shook his friends awake a few hours later.

"I found the Vertical Flame Diversion," he whispered, and the other four followed him over to a chimney above the fire. "It isn't just a chimney, it's a secret passageway."

"Like the tunnel we found under 667 Dark Avenue," said Violet.

"Whoever the boy in the mask is, he has answers," Isadora said.

"How do we know we can trust him?" Klaus asked, voicing what they were all thinking.

"We don't," Sunny said. "But only chance."

With this thought in mind, the five children began to ascend the long narrow passageway. They didn't know how long they climbed for. All they knew was that it seemed to last forever, and when they finished their arms were so sore they felt as if they had been climbing for days. At the top of the Vertical Flame Diversion was a horizontal passage. The masked scout awaited them at the end of it.

"I was wondering when you would show up," he said. "I was about to climb back down and find you myself."

"That wouldn't have been an easy climb down," said Duncan. "With all the _spiders _hiding in the rocks." The emphasis on the word 'spiders' was subtle, but the scout heard it and shuddered. It happened so quickly that if one of the children had chosen that moment to blink, they would have missed it, an expression which here means: "happened very quickly". But you presumably know the meaning of that phrase already, and I have gone off topic long enough. Let us return to the scene I, as the writer, was writing, and you, as the reader, were reading.

"You said you could help us find what we're looking for," Klaus said. "How do you know what that is?"

If the boy hadn't been wearing a fencing mask, Klaus would have seen that he was smiling, ever so slightly. "I know all of you have lost people. People you care about. Relatives." The Baudelaires thought of their Aunt Josephine and their Uncle Monty, with the sudden realization that they hadn't thought about these people in a long time. The Quagmires thought of their previous guardian's late wife, with the same sudden realization. "Parents." Both sets of orphans thought about their respective parents, and wondered if any of them would turn out to be alive, after all. "Siblings." The Baudelaires turned to their friends, knowing they were thinking about their brother. "I can help you find answers. Everything you need to know is waiting outside this door." The scout gestured to the locked door behind him. Attached was a typewriter. Wires snaked all over the door, connecting the typewriter to a small screen. "It's called a-"

"Vernacularly Fastened Door." Isadora said. The scout looked at her in surprise, or more accurately, turned his head in her general direction. "You have to answer three questions to open it."

"Get a question wrong, and it locks forever." Duncan added.

"We read about it in _An Incomplete History of Secret Organizations_," Isadora explained. The scout nodded, then pulled a purple notebook out of his pocket. Duncan stepped backwards onto Violet's foot.

"I wrote down the questions in my commonplace book," said the masked scout, paying no attention to Duncan's surprise. "The first phrase is the scientist most heavily credited with the discovery of gravity."

"That's easy. Sir Isaac Newton." Violet typed the first phrase into the lock.

"The second phrase is the name for the lions that used to inhabit caves in the Mortmain Mountains. I know that one, it's-"

"Volunteer Feline Detectives," Duncan said as he typed the second phrase into the lock.

"That's correct," the masked scout said, sounding a little annoyed at being interrupted a second time. "The third phrase is the central theme of the novel Anna Karenina, but I've never read that."

"I have," said Isadora, "but I don't know the theme."

"I do," Klaus said. Very quickly, he typed in the third phrase. At the last word, which was T-R-A-G-E-D-Y, the mechanism whirred, clicked, and made all sorts of unlocking noises. It stuck for just a moment before it unlocked fully.

"Welcome," the masked scout said, "to V.F.D. Headquarters."

The five orphans held their breath as the scout pushed open the high-security mechanism. The only trouble was, nothing lay beyond the door.

* * *

"It's all gone," the masked scout said. The children had crossed the threshold and found themselves in the ruins of a fire. The only things left of the secret organization were various piles of scorched wood, twisted metal, and a tall arch that had once been the entrance to a library, bearing the message: _The World is Quiet Here._

"If there was a survivor here, they're gone now," Duncan said hollowly as the scout walked ahead.

"So this is where everything leads us? A pile of ash and more unanswered questions?" Violet looked to the masked boy, but he wasn't listening. He was mumbling to himself.

"I don't understand. He said they would be here."

"You said you had answers," demanded Isadora. The scout looked back at his companions.

"I thought I did," he said. "Jacques Snicket said I would find answers. He said they would be here."

"Said who would be here?" Duncan asked.

"We thought we would find a survivor of a fire," Klaus told the masked scout. "We were wrong too." This caught the scout's attention.

"You weren't wrong." The boy reached behind his head and began to unite his mask. "I came here looking for my siblings." He let the mask fall to the ground. Hidden beneath it was a very familiar face. The face was familiar to the Baudelaires because they knew someone with an identical face. Though this boy had longer hair, a slightly thinner figure, and a less haunted look in his eyes, there was no mistaking his identity.

The Quagmire triplets, of course, knew at once who this person was. They had, after all, known him for the majority of their young lives. But it seemed impossible that this person could be standing in front of them. Back in the mountain passageway, Duncan had guessed who this person was, and affirmed his guess with a comment about spiders. When Isadora had first seen the boy's purple notebook, her heart had leapt with hope, but she convinced herself it wasn't true.

You must understand, dear readers, that the Quagmire triplets had been convinced that this person was long gone. So even though they had guessed the identity of the masked scout long before he removed his mask, they still couldn't believe who he was, until he spoke 12 reassuring words.

"I'm Quigley Quagmire, and I survived the fire that killed my parents."

** Sorry for the rambling, everyone! I'm sure you were all mentally yelling at me. "The suspense has been increased enough!" I know, I just couldn't help it.**

**I've gotta go to bed now. Please review!**


	11. Chapter 11

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**Guest: Okaaaaaaaaay! I hope this is the 'moreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee' you wanted.**

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**I forgot to put this at the beginning of the last chapter, but I'd like to thank anyone who has recently followed or added this story to their favorites. Thank you guys so much!**

Chapter Eleven

Violet and Klaus looked from Quigley to his siblings, then from Duncan and Isadora to their brother. Then they looked back at their friends.

Isadora was biting her lip as her eyes filled with tears. Duncan's expression was angry.

"Duncan. Isadora." Quigley stepped closer to his siblings. "Say something. Please."

"We...you...I..." Isadora stammered.

"They told us you were dead," Violet said, by way of explanation.

"Well, I'm not," Quigley said for no one's benefit.

Isadora laughed. "We can see that." She wrapped her arms around her brother. When they pulled apart, Quigley stared at Duncan.

"Hey."

A smile broke through Duncan's glare. He shook his head. "Quigley Quagmire. You show up after _two years, _and you say 'hey'?"

Quigley grinned. "What did you expect?"

Isadora burst into tears.

"There's nothing to cry about!" A shocked Duncan protested.

"God, Izzy, calm down."

"You two are _so _stupid!" Isadora yelled as tears ran down her cheeks. "Why can't you just say you love each other already?" Duncan and Quigley rolled their eyes in unison.

Klaus out an arm around Isadora, awkwardly patting her on the back as she cried into his shoulder.

* * *

The two sets of siblings spent the rest of the morning catching up. Quigley told the story of his surviving the Quagmire fire, as well as some of the things he had been doing for the last two years.

Duncan, Isadora, and the Baudelaires told Quigley what they had been doing before they met the Snow Scouts, including (to Quigley's disgust and Isadora and Klaus' embarrassment) the part about Klaus and Isadora's kiss at Caligari Carnival.

"You're letting her kids boys now?" Quigley shot his brother an accusatory look. Duncan shrugged.

"If you had contacted us and told us you were alive, I wouldn't have been kissing people." Isadora said smugly.

"Really?" Klaus and Quigley asked in unison.

"Yes," said Isadora sarcastically.

"Why didn't you tell us who you were when you met us in the cave?" asked Violet. "Or when we were helping you open the Vernacularly Fastened Door?"

"I was _trying_ to be subtle," Quigley said. He threw a stolen Snow Scout marshmallow at Duncan. "Unlike some people, Spiderman."

"I was proving my hypothesis," Duncan protested.

"I don't think that applies to this situation," Violet said.

"Hush." Duncan pulled the ribbon from Violet's hair.

Klaus groaned. "Stop flirting." Sunny squeaked her agreement.

"You should talk," said Quigley. "You're the one with your hands all over my baby sister."

"Not a baby," Sunny said.

"Sunny's right," Isadora said. "I'm fourteen years old. I can kiss whoever I want."

Duncan suddenly took on the tone of someone giving a grammar lesson. "Not _whoever _you want."

"Yeah, there's a very thorough selection process they have to go through first," said Quigley.

"Did my words mean nothing to you?" Isadora asked.

Quigley ignored her. "No dating until you're at least thirty."

"I liked you better when you were dead."

Putting a hand to his chest as if he was in pain, Quigley shot his sister a fake wounded look. "Harsh, Izzy."

"Not to interrupt this touching family moment," interrupted Violet sarcastically from a few meters away. "But you really need to see this."

The others walked over to where she was standing; staring at a giant eye poking out of the waters of the Stricken Stream. This eye was connected to a large mechanical object that broke the surface as the children stared at it; they came to the realization that it was not an eye at all, but the periscope of a submarine. The periscope turned to face the children and somebody within the submarine asked a very confusing and complicated question.

"Friend or Foe?"

The reason this question was so confusing was the fact that none of the children knew whether they were a friend or a foe of the person inside. Of course, like most intelligent people, Sunny realized that only one answer would gain the orphans entry to submarine.

"Friend!" The hatch on top of the submarine swung open.

The six children climbed down into the undersea craft. The entryway was a dark, damp passageway, rather similar to the tunnel under 667 Dark Avenue that led to the Baudelaire mansion.

"Hello?" Quigley called. "Is anyone there?"

"Aye," responded a young, accented voice. "This way."

Quigley led the way along the passageway, following the sound of the voice. At last, the Baudelaires and Quagmires ended up in a dimly lit room. A table covered in maps and navigation equipment took up the center. A mechanical device and wheel used for steering the craft were connected to the end wall. On either side of the room, doors led to other locations throughout the submarine.

"Shiver me timbers." A dark-skinned girl with triangular glasses slid down from the level above on a fireman's pole. "What are the Baudelaire and Quagmire siblings doing in the middle of the ocean?"

"We're in a stream," Violet pointed out. "In the Mortmain Mountains."

"We'll end up in the ocean soon enough," said the girl. "That's how the water cycle works."

"You work for V.F.D.," Klaus blurted for no apparent reason.

"Aye. I'm Fiona Widdershins, captain of the Queequeg."

"We've read about you," Duncan said.

"I thought the Queequeg was captained by a man," said Isadora.

"It was until recently," said Fiona. "My father left to answer a distress call from a manatee and I haven't seen him since."

Klaus gave her a sympathetic look. "We're sorry-"

"He's out there looking for me, he'll come find me any day now, I know he will." Fiona was a rather difficult person to have a conversation with.

Quigley changed the subject. "We're happy to help with whatever work you're doing for V.F.D.. It looks like the Queequeg could use a larger crew."

"If you're assuming I run this sub alone, you assumed wrong," Fiona said. "Cookie! Come out here!"

A smiling man with a beard hobbled into the engine room. He had one real leg and one peg leg, a phrase which here means: "Shotty prosthetic made from a shoe and an old broom handle."

"Baudelaires, Quagmires, this is Cookie," Fiona introduced.

"Actually, his name is Phil," Violet said.

"Hello Baudelaires!" Phil greeted.

"And I call him Cookie. If any of you have any cooking expertise, I'm quite tired of gum casserole."

"Sous chef," said Sunny.

"My sister says she'd be delighted to help in the kitchen," Klaus translated.

"Excellent," said Fiona, seeming very cheerful now that she wasn't going to have to eat gum casserole for dinner. "If you don't mind, I'm very much in need of a researcher, Klaus Baudelaire." Klaus smiled at her.

"Duncan and I could also assist your research," said Isadora, not liking the way the submarine captain was looking at her friend.

Duncan jumped in with a question before Isadora could say anything regarding Klaus. "Why do you need a researcher?"

"The Queequeg is on a mission," Fiona explained. "Probably the most important mission in V.F.D. history. We're searching for the Sugar Bowl."

**Ah, the Sugar Bowl. Not the cliffhanger ending for this chapter I would have preferred, but that's how the story goes.**

**People who are looking for more drama between the triplets (and noted the 'Duncan's expression was angry'), don't worry, it's coming. I've just got to get to it.**

** And now, I have a question for you, readers:**

**Which of the following do you think will appear in the next chapter? (Choose what appeals to you the most).**

**A) FIGLEY, ****DUNCLET, & KLADORA**

**B) Random kissing scenes**

**C) COD CHOWDER!**

**D) Sunny saying 'fishy'**

**Post your answers in your review. I look forward to reading them.**


	12. Chapter 12

**Review Responses:**

**JustVildaPotter: I'm desperately waiting to write the triplet drama! And I'll have to write 'Calamari' in there somewhere. Thanks for reviewing!**

**Raven (Guest): Thank you! I loved writing that scene between the Quagmires. It was sweet, with just the right amount of hidden tension. *winks* ALL OF THE ABOVE? I knew everyone would answer that. See below.**

**In answer to the question at the end of the last chapter, I'm bad at making quizzes, so you will find all of those in this chapter. Enjoy the chapter!**

Chapter Twelve

"One of our agents lost it in the Stricken Stream. I need someone who can read tidal charts to find out where the Sugar Bowl is headed. The Queequeg needs to find it and deliver it to the last safe place in time for the V.F.D. gathering on Thursday."

As I hope you remember, Fiona was explaining the mission of her submarine, the Queequeg to the Quagmire and Baudelaire orphans. Violet was getting increasingly annoyed every time the teenager spoke.

"Thursday is less than a week away," said Violet. "What's so important about a sugar bowl, anyway?"

"Both sides of the schism are after it. It has been changing hands between V.F.D. members for years. It's critical that we locate it before Esmé Squalor can get her hands on it."

"Esmé?" This came from Sunny. She meant something like: "What the heck is a schism?" But nobody bothered to translate or explain. Sunny sighed and followed Phil into the kitchen- or galley, as people on ships called it.

Fiona continued her explanation. "My sources tell me that Esmé and Count Olaf are currently combing the sea in a submarine they were given by a man with a beard but no hair and woman with hair but no beard." Fiona pushed open a set of doors in one side of the room, which led down the hall into the Queequeg's library.

"What's in the Sugar Bowl?" Violet inquired.

"That's top secret."

"You want us to help you search for something we know nothing about when we could be headed for a V.F.D. gathering?"

"Without the Sugar Bowl there _is _no gathering." Fiona glared at Violet. "And I don't want you to, I order you to."

"I don't take orders from people from people I barely know."

"As long as you are on board my sub you obey your captain and your captain _orders you _to look for the Sugar Bowl!"

"Violet, why don't you and I help Quigley with those tidal charts?" Duncan pulled Violet away before the argument could escalate any more.

* * *

"I'm sorry about my sister," Klaus told Fiona as they pulled various books off the library shelves. "She isn't usually like that."

"It's my fault," Fiona said. "I shouldn't have shouted. I've been under so much pressure lately, with my father being gone and all."

Klaus smiled. "And you're on a submarine."

Fiona giggled. "Aye, that too." Noticing Isadora for the first time, she turned toward the door. "I'll leave you two to the research. I should have Quigley explain the tidal charts to me."

The moment Fiona was gone, Isadora turned on Klaus. "So, what do you think of Fiona?"

"She's very nice." Klaus set a pile of books on the reading table.

"Nice, charming, pretty. Captain of a submarine. That girl's just the dream, isn't she?"

Klaus finally understood what the post was trying to get at. "Isadora-"

"I've seen the way you look at her. I'm not stupid, you know."

If this had been any other girl, Klaus would have responded by saying, 'Well, you're doing a really good impression of it.' But this was Isadora Quagmire. "I don't-"

"She looks at you. And Quigley looks at her. Better watch out Klaus, my brother is tough competition." Isadora slammed her pile of books into the table. "But that's not a problem for you, is it?"

"Isadora, I don't feel that way about Fiona."

"What if I wasn't here?"

Klaus was taken aback. "What?"

"You know what I mean. If I had floated away on that hot air mobile home, how would you feel about her then?"

"Izzy," Klaus said gently, stepping closer to her, "I love _you._ And I don't care how many girls come along. Nothing can change that."

"Really?"

"Really." He leaned in and kissed her.

* * *

"Curse Fiona and her mechanical-mindedness. The Queequeg is in excellent shape."

Violet and Duncan were wandering aimlessly around the undersea craft. Violet was trying to find something to fix, and Duncan was trying to take her mind off Fiona. Neither orphan was having any success.

"Maybe Sunny needs help with the cooking."

"I can barely make toast, Duncan."

"Noted." Duncan pushed open a door leading into a small room filled with diving equipment. "Explain how an air lock works."

"We put on the diving helmets and close the door. The room fills with water, and a hatch opens to let the divers explore the outside world."

"Something allows you to breathe, right?"

"The helmets connect to an oxygen tank," said Violet, her tone implying that everyone should be aware of that fact.

"See, you can educate me about mechanical devices. That's much more exciting than ranting about Fiona, isn't it?" Duncan cursed at having uttered the young submarine captain's name.

Violet went on with her rant. "I don't trust her. She's hiding something."

"You don't know that."

"I can tell."

Duncan sighed. "Tell me something about yourself. You know I'm claustrophobic. What are you afraid of?"

"Count Olaf. What 'sources' are telling her everything? How does she know so much about us?"

"Yeah, I'm claustrophobic and, um, fire-phobic? I don't know the word for being afraid of fire. Come on Violet, tell me something about yourself."

"You can interview me later, Duncan. Go interrogate Fiona and find out what she's up to."

In response, Duncan pulled Violet close to him and pressed his lips to hers.

* * *

"Find anything interesting?" Fiona entered the engine room.

"Besides these maps?" Quigley asked.

"You're a map guy."

"Cartographer, aye."

"Are you mocking your captain?"

"Maybe a little bit." Quigley put down his notebook. "So tell me, what's in the Sugar Bowl? One volunteer to another. Come on, don't be shy."

Fiona sighed. "I don't know. My father never told me. He said there were secrets in this world too terrible for young people to know."

"Parents keep a lot of secrets," Quigley said knowingly. "My father came home with a broken leg the night he died. He said he broke it breaking out of prison in Peru, but he wouldn't give me a straight answer when I asked what he meant." Quigley paused. "I know that's not exactly the same thing, but..."

Fiona gave him a kind smile. "I get it. Sometimes V.F.D. agents seem more wicked than noble. My father raised me on this submarine. He kept me here as his navigator when all I wanted to do was look for my bro-I mean, research mushrooms and see the world."

Quigley raised his eyebrows. "Traveling mycologist?"

"Now you sound like that baby."

Quigley laughed. "Are you calling me a baby?"

Fiona crossed her arms. "Hey, you mocked me first."

"Touché." Quigley studied the tidal charts for a moment and scribbled something in his notebook. "So what brings you in here? Besides my charming appeal, that is."

"Someone's full of himself," Fiona said with a shake of her head. She stared at Quigley's work, not knowing what any of it meant. "Your sister was glaring at me while I tried to have a conversation with Klaus. Looked like she wanted to murder me."

"Izzy's just protecting her boyfriend. Don't worry, she's harmless."

"She did seem like a lovely girl."

"Very lovely indeed." Quigley was staring at Fiona intently.

Fiona gave him a concerned look in return. "Are you trying to hit on me or your sister?"

"Dammit. That came out wrong."

"Very wrong indeed."

"Shut up."

"Excuse me? That's insubordination." Now Fiona was staring intently at Quigley, a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.

Quigley grinned back at her. "Oh is it?"

"Very much." Fiona leaned across the table. Quigley met her in the middle, and their lips met as well.

"Cod chowder!" Phil announced, coming into the room with a large tray of food and Sunny at his heels. Fiona and Quigley burst apart. Fiona cried out as she hit her head against a pipe jutting out from the ceiling.

"Everything all right in here?" Isadora asked, entering the engine room at the same time as Klaus.

"Yes everything's fine." Quigley said very quickly.

"What have you guys been up to?" asked Fiona, rubbing her head.

"Up to?" Klaus asked in alarm. "Nothing. No, not nothing. We've been doing research, of nothing besides that. Absolutely nothing."

"Duncan, Violet, what have you been doing?" Isadora laughed nervously as the two people in question joined the group.

"Not much," Duncan said quickly.

"Just wandering around," Violet added.

"Fishy," said Sunny.

"Very fishy," Quigley agreed, his mouth full of chowder.

"Indeed," Fiona said, before catching herself. "I mean, 'aye.'"

"You children are all acting very odd," Phil said.

"No we're not!" Violet, Fiona, Duncan, Klaus, Isadora, and Quigley yelled together.

"Fishy," Sunny said again.

** And that's that chapter done. I apologize for any mistakes due to autocorrect, but I need to get some sleep now. I hope you enjoyed this, good night!**


	13. Chapter 13

**I'm here! I haven't abandoned this! Don't give up on me!**

**To make a long story short, I'm here. Now it's time for review responses! (There are four this time. FOUR!)**

**JustVildaPotter: Yes! I achieved a chapter without major mistakes that was published at like two in the morning! Couples things are the best. Thanks for reviewing!**

**Raven: Thank you so much! Sunny is the most adorable and sarcastic baby. I should really include her more. Thanks for the review, I hope you like the chapter! **

**Guest: This is going to sound really dorky, but I honestly did a happy dance when I saw your review. (That's how much I love reviews.) Anyway, don't get in trouble in study hall, and thank you for reviewing! (But was it the 'Cod chowder!' that made you laugh? I must know.)**

**Guest (again I think, or it could be a completely different Guest): It _has_ been too long! Here's some more more more!**

**I got really excited back there. Now, on with the story!**

Chapter Thirteen

After a very awkward dinner and before a dessert that Phil promised would be "quite the surprise", the seven children shared their findings with one another, a phrase which here means: "Quigley, as the only one who had been doing any work, talked while the others listened."

"According to these tidal charts, the sugar bowl should be directly below Anwhistle Aquatics by now, in some place marked G.G."

"That's the Gorgonian Grotto." Fiona hesitated at the end of her sentence, debating whether she should share her next piece of information.

"And?" Violet prompted.

"The Gorgonian Grotto is home to the world's most deadly fungus, the Medusoid Mycelium. There's a poem written about it. It goes-"

"_A single spore has such grim power, that you may die within the hour,_" recited Isadora. "I came across it in a book on mycology."

"It's convenient you found that," said Duncan. "Almost as if you needed to stumble across it for the purpose of some plot." Everyone ignored him.

"If the sugar bowl is in the Gorgonian Grotto," Fiona said slowly, "if that's where we're headed, this mission could be doomed."

"Fiona," said Klaus suddenly, pointing to the sonar screen. "What's that?" A strange object shaped like a giant question mark had appeared on the screen.

Fiona gasped. "Turn off all the lights and cut the engine. If we stay silent, it shouldn't see us." Violet dashed to the engine and turned it off, while Phil hobbled over to the main power switch and shut off everything else. The only light left in the engine room came from the sonar screen, somehow still on and glowing sea question mark was very close to the Queequeg now.

The thing suddenly rammed into the submarine, making a noise that sounded like an elephant, but was produced by something much, much worse.

Isadora let out a short scream of terror and clapped a hand to her mouth. Fiona instructed the others to get down on the floor, and they all did so immediately with no questions asked. All of them except Quigley, who stood next to Fiona as if petrified, staring at the sonar screen.

"You idiot," Fiona hissed out of the corner of her mouth.

"Right back atcha," Quigley whispered back.

The thing crashed into the Queequeg again, all while making the same horrifying noise. Isadora whimpered and buried her face in Duncan's shoulder.

The question mark swam up to the submarine one final time, but rather than attacking the craft again, it put up one of its giant eyes and looked through the porthole at the passengers. In an instant, Quigley and Fiona both slid their legs back and hit the floor in their stomachs, catching themselves with their hands as they did so. This worked well enough for them to avoid being seen by the monster -or perhaps it did see them and simply did not care, there is no way to tell- and the creature slowly swam away from the undersea craft.

"Is everyone all right?" the submarine captain asked as she and her new crew shakily stood up.

Isadora emmited another little squeak of terror and ran from the room. Quigley watched her run off with a confused look on his face, while Duncan called his sister's name and ran down the hallway after her.

"What the hell was that?" Violet asked Fiona, covering Sunny's ears to block out the use of profanity.

"My father called it the Great Unknown," said Fiona. "Even he didn't know what it was."

Violet opened her mouth to say something more, but Klaus interrupted. "We should all get to bed."

"How do you expect to sleep after _that_?" Violet asked, once again annoyed with everybody in the general vicinity.

Fiona sighed. "My father had a saying: He, or she, who hesitates is lost. I'll set a course for the Gorgonian Grotto, and we should be there by morning. Please don't hesitate to get some sleep."

"I don't think that saying applies-" Quigley began, but Fiona cut him off.

"No arguments. I'll see you all in the morning."

* * *

The way sadness and fear work is a curious thing. One minute, you can be talking and laughing with family and friends, and the next minute something can happen that causes you to relive painful memories, resulting in your shaking in a ball on the floor, with no one but your brother to comfort you, who happens to be just as afraid as you are.

This was the situation in which the Baudelaires found Duncan and Isadora Quagmire when they walked into one of the Queequeg's many cabins. Isadora was sitting on the floor with her knees tucked to her chest and her head buried in her knees, rocking forwards and backwards ever so slightly. Duncan had an arm around his sister and was trying to get her to relax by whispering comforting things.

Violet, Klaus, and Sunny had never witnessed anything like this, although it had happened once before, during the Quagmire triplets' first year at Prufrock Preparatory School. Nonetheless, the Baudelaires were so shocked to see Isadora looking so helpless that the three of them simply stared at the scene with their mouths open until Duncan spoke.

"Are you guys going to keep on standing there, or...?" Duncan's voice trailed off into a question simply because he couldn't think of a second part to his question.

"Is Izzy okay?" Klaus asked.

Duncan stood up. "She's fine."

"She doesn't look fine," Violet said, glancing at the female triplet, who still had her head buried in her knees.

"Don't worry about it."

"Maybe I can help," Klaus suggested, taking a step towards Isadora.

"We don't need your help!" Duncan suddenly shouted.

"Right," said Klaus sarcastically. "And I bet you didn't need our help when you were kidnapped by Count Olaf, either."

"Yes, because you were such a big help when you left us alone in an elevator shaft so you could go invent something to get us out."

"We were _trying _to save your lives!" Violet said, getting into the argument.

"Romione!" Sunny cried. She meant something along the lines of: "Is this really the time to be having an argument?"

"And it really helped that you made the exact wrong guess when you were trying to find us at the IN Auction!" Duncan went on.

"It was a red herring!" Klaus argued.

"And, it was _so helpful _that the moment you freed us from the Fowl Fountain, we had to run from an angry-"

"Oh for Pete's sake!" Someone cried out, cutting Duncan off before he could say "mob." The orphans looked around the room for a moment before realizing it was Isadora who had spoken. "If you really want to help me, you can all stop fighting!"

Duncan, Violet, and Klaus looked at each other sheepishly, a word which here means: "in an embarrassed manner" and does not mean: "like sheep". Sunny gave the other three a look that appeared to mean: "I told you so."

Isadora stood up and walked over to the group. "Now Duncan, Klaus, go to your own bedroom and stop stressing me out."

"Iz, are you sure-"

"GO!" Isadora yelled, though it was in a get-out-of-this-room-now-or-I-will-hurt-you-but-not-so-badly-that-it-will-be-a-lasting-injury sort of way. In any case, it sent the two boys running.

Isadora fell backwards onto the bottom bunk of the bed once the boys left. Her face was still a bit flushed from her having been crying.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Violet asked, and Isadora sat back up, smiling.

"Yeah. I'm good. Don't worry about me." That said, she laid back down and fell asleep within moments.

* * *

While this dramatic scene occurred in the girls' temporary bedroom, you were probably wondering what a certain cartographer and mycologist had been up to. In order to lead into that particular scene, I will be using a hackneyed phrase that you probably remember the meaning of from the works of Lemony Snicket.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Quigley was disobeying Fiona.

"I thought I told you to go to sleep," Fiona said when Quigley returned to the engine room.

"You need sleep too," Quigley pointed out. "Want me to take over?"

"Maps boy, you have no idea how to control a submarine."

"However true that may be, my sister is having a panic attack. I'd rather be here."

"Quite the affectionate brother, aren't you?"

"Well," Quigley explained, "I was separated from my siblings when I had to pretend to be dead for two years."

Fiona raised her eyebrows. "_Wow._"

"I was never very affectionate. That's Duncan's job. He protects Isadora, and I keep boys away from her."

"My brother used to do that." Fiona looked into the distance, the way people in television shows do when they are recalling something from their past. On television, the image on the screen usually ripples and a flashback is shown.

When no such thing occured, Quigley asked: "What happened to your brother?"

"He died. Manatee accident."

"What's with all the manatees?"

"Most people say 'I'm sorry.'" Fiona looked offended.

"Oh, right. Sorry."

"Don't apologize. I like your response."

"I do pride myself on my responses."

"Don't mock me."

* * *

When the eight people on board the Queequeg awoke the next morning, they found themselves on the surface of the water, floating next to a dock. A dock, of course, is a long one of wooden boards connected to a seashore. In this case, it was the shore of Briny Beach, which was precisely the location the Baudelaires had received the terrible news of their parents' death, which began a series of unfortunate events.

"I thought you were setting a course for the Gorgonian Grotto," Violet said to Fiona as the group of seven stepped off of the submarine. "I thought the Queequeg was on the most important mission in V.F.D. history."

"There's been a change of plans," said Fiona. "We're going to the last safe place to help prepare for Thursday's gathering. I'll send an older member of the organization to fetch the sugar bowl."

"What changed your mind?" Duncan asked skeptically.

"I realized that if V.F.D. is such a noble organization, then they shouldn't be sending children in dangerous missions."

"How do we get to the last safe place?" Klaus inquired.

"I already called us a taxi," Quigley said, confirming Duncan's suspicions that Fiona had not suddenly come to her senses and decided to shirk her work for V.F.D.

Up the beach, across the trolley tracks, a taxi sat, awaiting the arrival of the seven youngsters that approached it now.

Quigley stuck his head through the front passenger side window. "Kit Snicket?" The woman in the driver's seat nodded, and the group piled into the car. Fiona and Quigley slid into the front seat together, while Duncan, Isadora, and the Baudelaires squeezed into the back.

As she drove, Kit Snicket explained that she had been the agent who had lost the sugar bowl in the Mortmain Mountains, so she would be in charge of finding someone to take over Fiona's mission. "I would go myself, of course, if I wasn't in this condition." By "condition", Kit meant that she was pregnant, a fact that was evident from the round shape of her belly.

"I'm very glad you children are here." Kit turned into the curved driveway of a hotel that had all of its signs backwards; it had been designed to reflect into a large pond, so the children could clearly see the name of the hotel reflected in the water. "The Hotel Denoument had been swamped with all the new orphans coming in."

"New orphans?" Sunny repeated.

"Yes, unfortunately," Kit said sadly. "A menacing duo has been setting fire to the homes of rich families all over the city. They even kidnapped an entire Snow Scout troop on the top of Mount Fraught!" The Baudelaires and Quagmires shuddered at this unsettling news. "Their goal is to create a new generation of orphans that they can train up and turn into villans. V.F.D. is doing everything we can to bring as many children as possible to the hotel."

"Where do we fit in?" Isadora asked.

"Many of the children are spoiled and used to always getting their way. They refuse to be trained as villains, thankfully, but unthankfully, they refuse to be trained as volunteers as well. I'd like all of you to get acquainted with them and change their minds. Talk some sense into them.

"What do you say?"

Quigley, surprising no one, answered "Yes," immediately. Fiona said she would be glad to help the organization.

The other five children were not so sure. Sunny couldn't agree to the job unless her siblings did as well, for she was still a toddler and had not quite mastered the English language.

Duncan didn't want anything to do with the secret organization, especially after the events of the previous night, but he could tell from the expressions on the faces of his friends and siblings that he would be an outcast if he decided not to join.

Last but not least, Violet and Klaus were unsure about the inner workings of V.F.D. itself. They wondered if convincing children to become volunteers was the same thing as convincing children to be villains. They also wondered if agreeing to the task made _them _volunteers, and they questioned whether they wanted to be volunteers at all.

However, refusing the instructions of a pregnant woman working for a secret organization that had access to poison darts seemed an unintelligent and impolite decision. Violet, Klaus, Sunny, Duncan, Isadora, Quigley, and Fiona felt that refusing Kit Snicket was something Carmelita Spats would do, as well as something the countless other orphans with fortunes had done. These other orphans had had valid reasons for doing so, though our main characters didn't know it yet.

In the end, Isadora spoke for them all. "I didn't realize this was a sad occasion," to which Kit replied: "The world is quiet here."

And with that coded phrase, the Baudelaire, Quagmire, and Widdershins volunteer work had officially begun.

**That, my friends, is Chapter Thirteen! If I keep the story headed in the direction I plan for it to go, there should be 26 chapters.**

**And now I have some sad-ish news. I'm going to Florida tomorrow morning, and I won't be back until late next Saturday. This means I probably won't be posting anything until the first week of October. **

**So I have a task for you: Give me some long reviews that I can read when I come back! I have an ASOUE one-shot collection, so if reading this gives you an idea for something you want me to write, feel free to post it in your review!**

**Before I forget, I'd like to thank anyone who has recently followed or favorited me or this story. I often forget about you, but I really appreciate the support.**

**Also, I apologize if there are any confusing grammar or spelling mistakes. Autocorrect is mean to me, and normally I would check this over for mistakes, but it's 11:20 pm and I have to get up early tomorrow.**

**Thank you all so much for reading, and I'll see you in a week!**


	14. Chapter 14

**I'm back! Yay! And now for review responses:**

**JustVildaPotter: Thanks for the long review! Yes, it appears Sunny has read the work of the marvelous J.K. Rowling. This chapter is full of drama, and I hope you enjoy it! They do not do very well in their volunteer assignment, due to the aforementioned drama. Yep, 26 chapters is the plan! Again, thanks so much!**

**Nancymer172: Thank you! Also, I believe you followed and favorites this, so thank you for doing that!**

**Number 10(review on Chapter Twelve): The flirting is very interesting. And Phil is completely oblivious to the teenage interactions going on right under his nose. Thanks for reviewing!**

**Once again, I'd like to thank anyone who followed or favorites this story since the last chapter was published.**

Chapter Fourteen

The two sets of siblings and the young mycologist stood awkwardly in the middle of Hotel Denouement's lobby. Kit had given them concierge uniforms to "help them blend in". However, the uniforms were designed for adults to wear; this suited Violet, Klaus, and Fiona just fine, but the Quagmires were too short to fit properly into the outfits and were forced to roll up their sleeves and pant legs. Sunny, of course, was nowhere near being able to fit into the uniform.

This is why all of the hotel patrons walking through the lobby were shooting curious looks at the center of the room. As I mentioned previously, the group was standing awkwardly in the middle of the lobby, and it must have been quite a sight. Three people who appeared to be adults dressed as concierges, standing without talking next to a trio of shorter people and a toddler wearing normal clothes. Some of the hotel guests thought our heroes were a sort of theatre troupe posing as a statue when first they saw them.

But before I lose your interest, I must stop describing the characters' clothing and focus on the story at hand, starting with the moment one of the hotel managers walked up to the group.

"Hello!" One of the hotel managers said, walking up to the group. "I heard we were getting some new concierges. If you'll follow me, I can get you started on your assignment."

Fiona and the orphans exchanged a look, unsure if they should trust this man. As you may know if you have read the works of Lemony Snicket, Kit had explained that the Hotel Denoument had two managers. Frank, a member of V.F.D., and Ernest, a fire-starter.

"Sorry sir," said Violet, standing up a bit straighter. "You'll have to tell us about the assignment later. We need to assist the guests." The others all nodded in agreement and started to walk away, only to be stopped by Frank (unless it was Ernest).

"The guests can wait, concierges," Ernest (unless it was Frank) said. "Your mission is much more important."

The children still had mixed opinions about helping this man, who appeared to be a member of V.F.D., but they did have one shared opinion, and that was their longing to leave the lobby and the curious stares of hotel patrons. They allowed the manager to lead them across the lobby, down a set of stairs to the basement, along a dark basement hallway, through a side door, and down a spiral staircase, emerging at last in a cavernous underground room, filled with floor-to-ceiling bookshelves. A large research table was situated in the center of a cluster of couches and squashy armchairs. The cushioned seats were all occupied by children, ranging from ages eleven to sixteen.

"Baudelaires, Quagmires," the manager said, addressing the group of seven as a whole, but neglecting to mention Fiona. "I'd like you to meet our orphans."

The seven were too stunned to speak, for they had been struck by the element of surprise. The reason for this stemmed from two particular orphans: a girl around Fiona's age, and the boy sitting next to her, who looked about Violet's age. Both children had bright red, tightly curled hair, and they wore judgy expressions.

"Great," said the boy in mock joy. "Dewey brought us new volunteers."

"Cakesniffers, by the looks of them," said the girl.

"Bloody hell," Quigley cursed under his breath.

* * *

The manager, evidently named Dewey, had left the seven alone to introduce themselves and figure out what they were supposed to do.

"Hi," Violet said in an attempt to break the tension. "I'm Violet Baudelaire."

"Like the murderers?" Someone called out.

"No." Klaus said. "I'm her brother, Klaus, and this is our sister, Sunny."

"Hello," squeaked Sunny nervously.

Quigley stepped forward. "I'm Quigley Quagmire, and these are my siblings-"

"Duncan and Isadora," a dark-skinned boy wearing a Prufrock Preparatory School uniform interrupted. He waved to Isadora. "I'm Austen Eyre. I was in Mrs. Bass' class." He nudged the girl next to him. She was also wearing a Prufrock uniform, and looked about twelve years old.

"I'm Jane, his sister," she said shyly.

"That's a nice name," Fiona said, then introduced herself.

When nobody else bothered to introduce themselves, the orphans all stared at each other awkwardly, unsure of what they were supposed to be doing.

"So," said the girl who had called the group 'cakesniffers'. "I gotta ask. Are you going to tell us about the secret organization? Are you not going to tell us about the secret organization?"

"Right," said Quigley. "So V.F.D. is-"

"Let me guess," the red haired boy said, crossing his arms. "V.F.D. is a noble organization working to fight literal and figurative fires all over the world. You should join because our members keep dying in fires. If you have siblings you want to look for, guess what? We don't care. You have to stay here, where it's 'safe'." The boy uncrossed his arms to put air quotes around the word "safe".

"That isn't exactly what V.F.D. does..." Fiona said, but her voice trailed off when she couldn't think of a way to defend the secret organization.

"Save it," said the red haired girl. "We've all heard it before. You can't force us to be volunteers. All we want is to find our sister and get out of this awful place."

"We're not here to force anyone to do anything they don't want to," said Violet.

"But I don't think we can allow you to leave," added Klaus.

"We can't." Quigley said. "And that's why we're going to help you find your sister."

Duncan made a noise that sounded like a cross between a cough and a snicker, as if he had been laughing and trying to hide it.

Isadora turned to him. "What's so funny?"

"Nothing." Duncan said.

Quigley continued his conversation with the judgy redheads. "V.F.D. doesn't make a habit of forcing children to be volunteers, but it might be easier for you to find your sister if you were in disguise. Then you could wander freely around the hotel."

"Is he serious?" Duncan whispered very loudly.

"You do know I can hear you," Quigley said, turning to his brother.

"Sorry, please continue." Duncan was smiling, but the smile was incredibly fake.

"What's that face about?"

"What face? This is my face."

"That incredibly fake smile. That's the face you make when you have something to say to me that you're too polite to say."

"Oh, that face. I was just thinking about how my brother is being a hypocrite and lying to a room full of strangers."

"Excuse me?"

"'V.F.D. doesn't make a habit of forcing children to be volunteers.' Please. They just forced us to volunteer to convince children to be volunteers!"

"So, where should we start looking for Carmelita?" Isadora asked in an attempt to change the subject. If you hadn't already guessed as Isadora had, the missing sister of the red haired children was Carmelita Spats.

"There's a villainous acting troupe we could investigate," said Klaus.

"I don't know," said Violet. "Carmelita may be mean, but she's not evil."

"She could be," Fiona said. "People change."

"Yes they do," Quigley and Duncan said in unison, glaring at each other.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Duncan asked.

"Well, for starters, you clearly don't trust me," Quigley said indignantly.

"Why should I?"

"I'm your older brother!"

"No, you aren't."

"Are you two seriously going to make this about who the eldest triplet is?" Isadora asked, sounding exasperated.

"You're right, Izzy," said Duncan. "This is about Quigley lying to us about everything."

Quigley looked shocked. "What have I not told you?"

"Oh, I don't know." Duncan's voice got higher with every word. "Maybe, what was so important that kept you pretending to be dead for _two years_!"

"I was trying to find you, but I didn't know where you were!"

"It was all over the Daily Punctilio!"

"You've always said that newspaper isn't accurate! How could I believe anything it says?"

"Common sense. You should have had enough _common sense _to look for us!"

"You should have had enough common sense to know I'm not dead!"

"We were twelve!"

"So was I! I was told to stay where I was! If you had done the same instead of running around the country, I could have found you!"

Quigley had said the wrong thing.

"_I'm sorry_ that we couldn't stay put for your convenience!" Duncan shouted. "I'm sorry that we were kidnapped by a murderous man who was after our fortune! I'm sorry that we got trapped at the bottom of an elevator shaft, shoved into a fish sculpture, and transported to captivity within a bird statue, because we were trying to protect our friends! I'm sorry that we were framed as murderer accomplices and chased from a village by an angry mob! I'm sorry that Count Olaf followed us around the Hinterlands and made us fear for our lives! I'm sorry that we didn't just float away in a hot air balloon and live forever in the air because Isadora is afraid of heights! I'M SORRY THAT WE TRIED TO HELP THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO UNDERSTOOD WHAT WE WERE GOING THROUGH, INSTEAD OF STAYING AT A BOARDING SCHOOL THAT IS INCLUDED ON MOST MAPS!"

Most sensible people, after having been yelled at in such a manner, would have tried to calm down the person yelling, or chosen to walk away from the situation. But I'm sorry to say that Quigley Quagmire was the one who had been yelled at. And he was not a very sensible person.

"Maybe next time, you should rethink your friend choices, and you won't get stuck with people who force you to give yourselves to Count Olaf as human shields!" Quigley's words didn't quite make sense, but his message was clear.

Duncan lunged at his brother, knocking him to the floor. They began to wrestle inexpertly.

"Stop it!" Isadora yelled, jumping in the middle of the fight in an attempt to pull her brothers off of each other. "Why can't you two admit that you missed each other like normal-"

_Slap! _Isadora getting in the middle of the wrestling match hadn't stopped the Quagmire boys from trying to hurt each other. One of Quigley's punches, intended for Duncan, landed directly on the face of Isadora.

Time seemed to stop as Isadora cried out and put a hand to her cheek.

If you paid attention during the last chapter, you will remember that Isadora broke down because she was thinking about all of the dreadful things she and Duncan had been through. One of the things that had scared her most when she had been a kidnap victim was how violent Count Olaf was. This fear resurfaced now as Isadora felt the spot on her cheek where Quigley had punched her.

Quigley moved to place a hand on his sister's shoulder. All three triplets were standing now. "Izzy, are you o-"

"Get away from me, you monster!" Isadora shrieked.

"Izzy, I didn't mean-"

"You heard her." Duncan looked angrier than he ever had. "Get out."

"Duncan, he really wasn't trying to hit her," Fiona said, trying to be the sensible person in the situation.

"Isadora is right," said Violet. "I think you and Quigley really missed each other, but neither of you want to admit it."

"Tell truth," Sunny said, which meant: "Admit it."

"You're right," Duncan said. "I missed him. I missed the person he used to be."

"The person I used to be?" Quigley asked.

"The Quigley I know didn't act like this. And he certainly didn't fall for girls related to kidnappers."

"Take that back." Quigley and Duncan were once again glaring at each other.

"It's true!" Duncan said shrilly. "When Isadora was doing research on the Queequeg's library, she found an old newspaper article and it said that Fiona's brother-"

"SHUT UP!" Klaus yelled. Fiona, looking frightened, turned on her heel and ran from the room.

Quigley made to run after the older girl, but Violet threw out an arm and blocked his path.

Looking around the underground library, Duncan noticed that the various couches that had been occupied by orphans moments ago were now vacant.

Isadora focused her attention on the Baudelaires. Violet and Klaus were giving all three triplets disappointed looks, while Sunny peered out from behind Violet's legs. The look on the toddler's face indicated that she fully understood what was happening, but no one could be sure of her opinions on the matter.

After a long, tense silence, Klaus spoke. "This is not how siblings are supposed to act." No one responded. "I know you three have been through a lot in the past two years, and I get that, I really do, but you cannot take your frustration out on one another."

"And what do you know?" Isadora challenged, surprising everyone.

"What?"

"Look me in the eye, and tell me you and Violet never fought with each other out of frustration."

Klaus looked Isadora in the eye. "Violet and I never fought with each other out of frustration."

"You're lying."

"Okay, sure, we fought once, but it was quickly resolved."

"We've never gotten into a fight like this," Violet added.

"Of course you haven't," said Quigley. "Your parents must have had magic parenting skills. Pity that didn't last."

"You are _not_ going to drag me into your stupid fight," said Violet.

"Here's an idea," Duncan suggested. "Let's all forget about the 'stupid fight' and just-"

"All be friends?" Klaus finished sarcastically. "Fat chance of that happening.

"Just go our separate ways," finished Duncan with a glare directed at Klaus.

"Works for me," said Quigley, who was already halfway out of the room. "I'm going to Fiona."

"Me too," Klaus said, following the young cartographer.

Violet picked up Sunny. "If you're quite finished beating up everyone around you, _Duncan, _Sunny and I are going to do some actual concierge work."

When the two Baudelaire sisters had left, Isadora turned to her brother. "I'm just going to go."

Duncan looked shocked. "Iz-"

"Don't try to stop me," ordered Isadora. "Don't come after me. I want to be alone."

"I know I messed up," Duncan said. "Majorly, and I'm really, really sor-"

"Save your apology for the person who really needs to hear it."

"I didn't say anything that wasn't true. Quigley's a scoundrel-"

"And so, it seems, are you."

With that rhyming phrase, Isadora Quagmire left Hotel Denouement's underground library.

**There's nothing better than ending a dramatic chapter with a Hamilton reference, am I right? **

**So, what did you think of all the drama? If you didn't like it, you'd better leave now, because it only gets worse from here (eventually it gets happier, but that won't be for a few chapters).**

**If anyone knows the correct spelling of Denouement, can you please tell me? I'm very unsure of how to spell it.**

**I think that's all I have to say. Thanks for reading, and I'll see you in the next chapter!**


	15. Chapter 15

**I haven't written anything for this story in two months. TWO MONTHS. The reasons for this are simple: I haven't had any solid ideas, and I've been staying after school every night until 6 p.m. because of swim practice. And I didn't write anything over Thanksgiving break because, well, I was lazy. And now it's December. AUGH!**

**Review Responses:**

**Number Ten: It was a very heavy chapter. I practically broke their friendship beyond repair. But I didn't quite do that, so the gang will figure things out in a couple of chapters. Thanks for reviewing!**

**JustVildaPotter: Part of Quigley saying "Bloody hell" is me making him act like Ron, and part of it is me being too polite to use other curse words. I love my random references! THERE WILL INDEED BE MORE DRAMA. Thanks for the help, and thanks for reviewing!**

**Alysscassandra: Thank you very much! I'm glad you're enjoying this, despite not necessarily agreeing with the ships. Thank you for confirming the spelling, enjoy the chapter, and thanks for reviewing! (Kladora forever!)**

**CrazyFictionLove: Eeek, I'm so sorry! All the sorrow in the world could not express how sorry I am. I guess I'd better write another chapter, huh? Oh, and thanks for the encouragement!**

**And now, to the story!**

Chapter Fifteen

Isadora Quagmire stood in the lobby of the Hotel Denouement, leaning on the concierge desk and chatting with the person who stood behind it.

It was evening at the hotel, and as a result most of the guests were enjoying dinner- or supper, as some people called it- in one of the many restaurants. Because of this, the lobby was empty at this point in time and there was no one to witness Isadora's strange conversation.

"I don't know what to do, Sunny," lamented Isadora. "I've tried to talk to Duncan, but he keeps avoiding me. Violet and Klaus won't talk to me, and I wasn't really friends with Fiona in the first place."

"Morado," said Sunny.

"Quigley? Well, I...I don't know what to say to him."

"No mean hurt."

"Of course he didn't mean to hurt me! I know that. I completely overreacted. But I was all upset the previous night, and I still had Count Olaf in my head. You've spent enough time in his company, you know what he's like."

"Calamari," Sunny said. "Calamari" is a word which here stands in for a phrase which here means one of two things. The first meaning is a response to Isadora's first comment: "I wouldn't call it company." The second meaning is a complete change of topic by Sunny: "Look, Quigley is walking up behind you!"

"You're right, of course. But I simply can't think of a word that could properly describe spending time with Count Olaf, so 'company' will have to do." Isadora said, interpreting the first meaning of "Calamari", which was obviously incorrect, as Quigley was the next person to speak.

"Hey, Iz."

Isadora turned around. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm here to give you some actual advice. I know the baby is your friend, but you can only understand half the stuff she says."

"Her _name _is Sunny, not 'the baby', and she's not a baby, she's a young girl."

"Baby, young girl, whatever."

"Excuseh _moi_!" Sunny cried. This meant, "I beg your pardon?"

"My point, Isadora, is that I'm here to talk to you."

Isadora turned back to the concierge desk. "I don't want to talk to you."

"Oh, _come on_." Quigley crossed his arms. "You and Duncan can't avoid everyone forever."

"For your information," Isadora called over her shoulder as she walked toward the elevator. "I'm not speaking to Duncan, either."

"Well done! You have absolutely no friends!"

Isadora pummeled the "Up" button for the elevator. She was about to fire a comment back at her brother when the Hotel Denouement's famous clock chimed seven o'clock.

As you may know from reading the works of Lemony Snicket -who was incorrect about many things, but correct about this particular thing- the hotel's clock was famous for sounding like a certain word. Instead of chiming _Ding! Dong! Ding! Dong! Ding! Dong! Ding! _as the vast majority of clocks do when it is seven o'clock, this clock chimed _Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! _to announce the hour.

It was almost as if the clock was responding to Quigley's shout; it was calling him out for being _Wrong!_ You may think that Quigley was right about Isadora having absolutely no friends, but in thinking that, you would also be _Wrong!_

For Isadora Quagmire was about to discover that she did indeed have one remaining friend. In fact, he was waiting for her at the end of her elevator ride.

* * *

I'm sorry to interrupt the tales of Isadora, but I'm sure you are wondering what our other main characters had been up to.

I did not previously mention that it had been a couple days since the Baudelaires and Quagmires had gotten into a fight, so I will say so now.

It had been a few days since the Baudelaires and Quagmires had gotten into a fight. Violet, Klaus, and Sunny took turns running the concierge desk in the lobby. They avoided Duncan, and he avoided them.

When they weren't working, the two older Baudelaire siblings met with various members of the V.F.D., to discuss things such as the delivery of fungus samples from the team sent to the Gorgonian Grotto. (Meanwhile, Sunny spent time with other V.F.D. members in the hotel. She even managed to save Larry-Your-Waiter from death by boiling in a pot of chili while she was helping him out in one of the hotel restaurants.)

Violet and Klaus were curious to know whether the volunteers had found the sugar bowl or not, but Kit Snicket declined to respond to their questions. The Baudelaires did not have time to think too hard about this issue; they had another, most important matter to deal with.

The V.F.D. gathering was going to be a High Court trial for both them and Count Olaf.

* * *

Once again, I am changing topics at the most dramatic of moments. I would tell you about Violet and Klaus' discussions of how to plead not guilty in a court of law, but the events that took place on the night before the trial were so terrible that they overshadowed these conversations and left the two siblings unable to remember anything more than bits and pieces.

I will now return to Isadora Quagmire. (Your wonders about Duncan Quagmire will have to wait, as he did nothing significant in this small stretch of time.)

After a speedy elevator ride to the fifth floor, Isadora walked down the hall to her hotel room. When the triplet had confided that she wasn't looking forward to spending another awkward night in the dorms of the underground library, Sunny had given her a key to Room 524. Isadora unlocked the door and entered the room. She was about to kick the door closed with her foot when she heard someone enter the room behind her. There was barely time for goosebumps to prickle up Isadora's arms before the person put their hands over her eyes.

"Guess who!" A young, but deep male voice cried out.

"Klaus!" Isadora screamed.

"Correct!" Klaus announced, pulling his hands away and spinning Isadora around to face him. Noticing her shocked expression, he added: "I didn't terrify you too much, did I?"

Isadora shook her head. "Now that I know it's you, I'm more surprised than terrified."

"Good." Klaus kicked the door closed. "Want to watch a movie?"

Isadora tilted her head to the side, looking perplexed. "A movie? Why?"

"Does there have to be a reason? Can't a boy just watch a movie with his girlfriend?"

"Of course he can," Isadora giggled.

Klaus crossed the room to the closet. After some digging, he brought out a small projector and two round film canisters. "Okay, our choices are either _Zombies in the Snow _or _Hypnotists in the Forest_. You choose."

"Hmm..." said Isadora, pretending to be thinking. She really had no opinion. "Which one would you recommend?"

"Well, I personally would go with _Zombies in the Snow_. But on the other hand, it's the only one I've seen, so my opinion is biased."

"_Zombies in the Snow _sounds wonderful."

Klaus set up the movie, then climbed into the room's single bed to sit next to Isadora. She put her arm around his shoulders, not caring that this would cause her own shoulder to become extremely stiff later on. Klaus tilted his head to the right in order to rest it on Isadora's shoulder.

The couple sat like that through about half of the black and white movie with English subtitles. Neither of them spoke; they were both grateful for the opportunity to act normal, if only for one night.

But when the villagers started singing for what felt like the millionth time, Isadora spoke up. "Klaus?"

He lifted his head. "Yeah?"

"This is a terrible movie."

Klaus lifted his head and smiled a cheeky smile. "If you don't like it, there's always something else we can do."

Isadora wrapped her arms around him, folding her hands behind his neck. She looked into his eyes. "There is."

Klaus pulled Isadora closer, and the two began kissing once again.

When Isadora next pulled away, the movie screen showed snow blowing across a patch of more snow, revealing the word "fin" in all capital letters. The ominous thing was that the letters had claw marks slashed through them.

That is what Isadora remembers most- or so she told me- about that night. The letters in the snow, with the ominous claw mark. Perhaps it was a coincidence, but perhaps it signaled that everything was about to go very wrong. Very fast.

A faint, but familiar odor caught Isadora's attention. It seemed to be coming from outside the hotel room. She sniffed the air. "Do you smell that?"

"Smell what?"

"Smoke."

"That's a bit of an extreme way to announce you're done making out, but okay."

"Klaus, I'm serious."

"You must be imagining it," said Klaus in an oddly matter-of-fact tone. "I don't smell anything."

Isadora swung her legs off of the bed and walked over to the room's lone window. She pulled the curtains open and looked down at the ground. What she saw validated her worst fear.

The Hotel Denouement was on fire.

**DUN DUN DUNNNN!**

**This chapter was shorter than the previous two. Why? I'll tell you. Most of it was Kladora fluff, and it was really just filler and set-up for the dreadful events of the next two chapters.**

**And now, questions for one to answer in one's review:**

**1\. Do you feel that Klaus is acting ever-so-slightly suspicious? If so, why?**

**2\. Do you have any guesses as to who Raspberry Bernard is? If so, who?**

**3\. Do you think I will have the next chapter up in a timely manner? That is to say, not two months after the previous?**

**4\. Any other questions, comments, or concerns.**

**Ta ta for now!**


	16. Chapter 16

**Hello all! I'm back! Did you miss me?**

**Review Responses:**

**Angryfanfic: I'm trying to, I swear.**

**Number Ten: (Review 1) Nope, Dewey is still alive. He should pop up in this chapter, but if he doesn't, I can assure you that he'll have a big role in a chapter that's coming up. Thanks for asking! (Review 2) Another good question, but unfortunately, I can't tell you the answer. Yet.**

**Alysscassandra: 1a. Sure, the fight has shaken them all. 1b. Good thinking, but no, actually. 1c. You're leaning in the right direction...(Sorry, I can't yet reveal what he's hiding) 2. Ah, good guesses, but they aren't related to Lemony (as far as I'm aware of) and they are not the Duchess of Winnipeg. Don't worry, I'll reveal her identity at the end of the book. 3. You're right, of course. It is entirely up to me. 4. Thank you! You're in luck, as that is exactly what is going to happen in this chapter!**

**JustVildaPotter: I was wondering where you had gone! I'm glad you're back now! Yes, Larry is saved! And _Zombies in the Snow _is a terrible movie! 1. No idea, huh? Well, you'll see... 2. Still no idea? All will be revealed in the final chapter. 3. Thank you! I hope I do too! 4. Yes, it was what you did first.**

**ehlia (Review on Chapter Two): Thank youuuuuuuuuuuuuu!**

**And now, on with the story!**

Chapter Sixteen

The sun had set on the Hotel Denouement. As a matter of fact, it had set hours ago. The moon shone brightly over the hotel with backwards signage. As you may know, the moon emits no light of its own, but reflects the sun's light. So one could say, technically speaking, that the sun was shining. But for the sake of simplicity and upholding story-telling traditions, I'll say that the moon was shining.

The stars were out, and the city that was dirty and busy during the day was quiet and peaceful, save for a few families on road trips who were running into complications when it came to finding a cheap, but livable, motel room.

I could continue pretending that the above description was all I had to describe. I could walk away and leave this chapter unfinished, pretending that nothing at all terrible was happening to the characters. But I have sworn to tell you all the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. As a result, we must return to Duncan Quagmire. I can only say that he was living a nightmare.

Duncan Quagmire was living a nightmare. No, it wasn't one of those dreams that seem so real that they feel like one's life. This was an actual nightmare that Duncan had had several times, before, with one teeny tiny variation: it was really happening.

Duncan had been awakened in the middle of the night by the fire alarms in Hotel Denouement's underground library going off. Before he knew it, he was being herded through a secret passageway with a crowd of other orphans. After walking in the dark for what felt like miles- really it was only about one mile- with only scattered flashlight beams to light their way, the crowd had finally emerged on the lawn in front of the hotel.

Now Duncan was looking around wildly, hoping to catch sight of one of his siblings or friends. Currently, he could see no one, and he tried to ignore the constricting feeling of fear that was materializing inside of him. If there was one thing Duncan feared most in the world, it was fire, and to be exact: losing people he loved in a fire.

"Duncan!" Someone called. The boy in question spun around to see Violet running toward him, followed by Quigley and Fiona, who was holding Sunny's hand.

Violet ran to the young journalist and hugged him. Duncan could smell the smoke in her hair, which was tied up in a ribbon. This was odd, as she was wearing a concierge uniform, and Dewey had specifically instructed her not to put her hair up while dealing with the public, for fear of her being recognized from the picture in the _Daily Punctilio. _

"I'm so glad you're alright," whispered Violet, "no one knew where you were, and I was afraid that if you didn't get out in time, the fire would-" Violet broke off, shuddering.

"Vi," Duncan whispered back, but it was a bit more audible to people standing nearby. "This fire isn't going to kill anyone."

"That's dramatic irony if I ever heard any," Quigley remarked. "In case you're too wrapped up in your girlfriend to notice, _Duncan,_ Klaus and Isadora aren't with us."

Fiona sighed. "Here we go," she muttered under her breath.

But instead of getting into another fight with his triplet brother, as Fiona had suspected, Duncan removed himself from Violet's embrace. He cast a glance at the burning hotel, just a short walk away. Instead of looking afraid, he looked frightened and concerned. "Then we should go and find them, shouldn't we?"

"Are you crazy?" Quigley cried out. "We'll get ourselves killed!"

"Then what do you propose we do?" Duncan's expression shifted to anger so fast you could have missed it in a blink.

Quigley shrugged. "I don't know."

"Then I'm going to find them."

Duncan began to walk in the direction of the hotel. He didn't get very far, because Quigley grabbed his wrist as he walked by.

"Don't be an idiot. Think about what you're doing. I'm sure V.F.D. can deal with this, but-"

"I'm willing to walk into a burning building if it means saving my sister's life!"

"That isn't something you should have to be willing to do!"

Quigley's last sentence hung in the air, its message clear to both Quagmire boys. Fiona tapped Violet on the shoulder with her free hand and whispered something about leaving the two triplets alone. Then the three girls walked away, in search of Kit Snicket, with whom they could discuss what was being done about the fire.

"You thought I didn't care about you and Izzy while I was gone," stated Quigley, getting straight to the point.

"I get it, you actually cared about us." Duncan crossed his arms. "What do you want?"

"What do I _want_?" Quigley repeated. "I want you to stop treating me like I'm some horrible villain who ruined your life."

"I haven't been-" Duncan started, then stopped as he realized that this was exactly what he had been doing. "I..." Quigley waited. "I don't know what you want me to say."

Quigley's expression become one of clear disbelief and disappointment. "How about 'I'm sorry'? Why can't you apologize for blaming me for everything?"

"I...I can't see what there is to apologize for," Duncan said slowly. In truth, he knew that he had to apologize, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. Apologizing would mean admitting that he had been wrong, that it wasn't really Quigley he was mad at, but someone else, someone he couldn't possibly be upset with.

"I could give you a pretty clear idea," said Quigley in a threatening way. He looked like he was holding himself back from shouting, or worse, punching his brother out of total frustration.

"Okay, okay. I'm sorry. I've been an idiot. Are you happy?" Without giving Quigley a chance to answer, Duncan spun around and walked in the direction Violet and Fiona had gone.

He found Violet sitting on the ground, her knees tucked tightly to her chest, her back against the stone wall that encircled the outer edges of the Hotel Denouement.

"Violet," he said, and she looked up.

It was obvious that Violet had been crying. Her eyes were red-rimmed, and she had a lost look on her face that Duncan knew well. It was the look he got when everything had gone so wrong that he was sure nothing would ever go right again. He had seen it when he first looked in a mirror after the fire that destroyed his home, when the deaths of his parents and brother had been confirmed.

"V.F.D. isn't going to do anything," Violet managed to say after Duncan slid down into the ground next to her. "Kit called the official fire department, and they're going to send people as soon as they can, but no one knows when that will be."

Duncan nodded. He couldn't think of anything to say, and Violet went on, speaking more to herself than anyone around. "Klaus is in there, somewhere. I need to know where he is. I need to know that he's okay. I...I don't know..." Violet stopped, unable to finish the phrase 'I don't know what I would do without him.' "I promised my parents I would always look after him, and then I went and did this." She buried her face in Duncan's shoulder and whispered something that sounded like: "I'm sorry."

"What are you sorry for?" Duncan asked, rubbing Violet's shoulder. "I'm the one who separated us all."

Violet lifted her head back up. She looked off into the distance, where Quigley, standing alone, was silhouetted against the burning building. "You should talk to Quigley."

Duncan looked at the flames, watching them make their slow ascent, and realizing, for the first time, that they were burning from inside. He remembered the fire that destroyed his own home, and that it, too, had started from the inside. "I don't want to leave you alone," he said to Violet.

The young inventor smiled. "I'll be alright. Really, I will. Go on."

* * *

Quigley watched the scene from a distance. Violet seeking comfort from Duncan, which was absurd because it was always the other way around, or so he had overheard Isadora telling Sunny earlier in the day. He wondered how long it would take for Duncan to finally crack, how far the fire had to spread before he realized that Isadora was gone. Quigley's hopes had dropped the moment he had realized what was happening to the hotel. That was the nature of Quigley's life; anyone he cared about disappeared, because he did his best to push them away to prevent getting hurt if they did disappear.

That was how it had gone with Jacques Snicket. He had tried for months to take care of Quigley, had wanted desperately to become some sort of father figure, but Quigley had kept him at a safe distance. And then he disappeared. Quigley had learned from the _Daily Punctilio_, on the day Dr. Montgomery's house burnt down, that Jacques had been murdered. In fact, it was because of Quigley that Dr. Montgomery's house burnt down in the first place, but there are some facts that I do not need to elaborate on, even though you think you need to know.

"I need to know," said a voice. Quigley was so lost in thought that he hadn't realized that Duncan was walking back over. "Why didn't you ever come looking for us?"

"I told you," said Quigley. "I tried, but by the time I reached Prufrock Prep, you were in an elevator shaft under 667 Dark Avenue."

"Oh." Duncan looked at the building in front of him. "You know, I really am sorry. And...you aren't a villain that ruined my life."

"I know that. I only have to look in the mirror to see that I'm not Count Olaf."

"And I didn't hate you. Not really. I'm sorry if it ever seemed like I did because, it wasn't you I..."

Quigley's eyes widened as Duncan trailed off. "Our parents?"

Duncan stared at the ground and whispered: "Yes."

"Excellent. I hate them too."

"No," Duncan looked up again, alarmed. "I don't hate them. I can't hate them, not when they're-"

"You can hate someone who is dead if they were really horrible to you."

"They weren't horrible to us. They weren't even home most of the time."

"That's exactly the problem! We were raised by our butler! We never celebrated our birthday on our actual birthday! Work trips meant to last for a week would cause them to disappear for a month! They were always gone when they should have been there, but you and Isadora were too wrapped up in your books to notice!" Quigley was shouting, but he didn't care who heard.

"I agree with you," Duncan said quietly. "But they were there for us, sometimes. Remember the year they hired us each a tutor for our specific interests?"

"An yes, so they could distract us from the fact that they vanished for six months?" Quigley watched Duncan's face fall as he comprehended the truth of this particular time frame. "You know I'm right. Deep down, you've always hated them."

"I can't say that I hated them, but..." Duncan hesitated. "As far as parents go, Katherine and Cameron Quagmire are some of the worst."

"Condolences," squeaked a voice from behind Quigley. Sunny had snuck up from behind while the boys were talking, and now chose to utter a phrase which here means: "I'm sorry you had such a terrible childhood." Unfortunately, Duncan took her word as: "You shouldn't talk about your parents that way."

"You see!" Duncan gestured to Sunny. "Even the _baby_ thinks we're crazy for thinking that way about our parents! We've got to be some of the worst children in history!"

"No loco," Sunny insisted, which meant: "I don't think you're crazy."

"Sunny doesn't think we're crazy, D," said Quigley, who was finding that he could understand the youngest Baudelaire. "She said she was sorry about what we went through."

"Helpful," Sunny said, and pulled something out of the very large pocket in her dress.

"Now she says, if there's anything she can do to help us..." Quigley's voice trailed off as he took the object from Sunny and realized what it was. A small cardboard notebook, with a pitch black cover.

Duncan seized the notebook from Quigley and began flipping through it feverishly. There were large sections of pages ripped out here and there, but there was no mistaking what it was. "Where did you get this?"

"Pock-Picket," Sunny explained.

"She says she noticed it sticking out of Count Olaf's pocket earlier today," Quigley translated.

"But...but that's impossible," Duncan said, stopping at a particular pair of pages in the notebook. "He burned the notebooks. I was sure he..." Duncan stopped as he began to read the pages, and didn't say anything more for a long time.

"Duncan, what-" Quigley looked over Duncan's shoulder at the notebook, and this is what he saw, in Isadora's handwriting:

_"You may think that the Baudelaires ought to prevail, and be tucked someplace all safe and sound. Count Olaf captured and rotting in jail, his henchpeople nowhere around._

_"But there's no happy endings, not here and not now, this tale is all sorrows and woes. You might dream that justice and peace win the day, but that's not how the story goes._

_"You might think that two parents, both brave and both true, would live 'til a nice ripe old age. But I'm sad to say I have bad news for you: the curtain rings down on the stage._

_"Yes, there's no happy endings, not here and not now, this take is all sorrows and woes. You might dream that justice and peace win the day, but that's not how the story goes." _

At the bottom of the page, in an untidy scrawl that must have belonged to Count Olaf, more lines had been added to the poem:

_"The world is a pair of ill-fitting pants, and other dire, hideous clothes. You may think that three children would lead pleasant lives, but that's not how the story goes. _

_"Some people smile at the end of the day, and some people laugh, I suppose. But to me, there's nothing but gloom and despair, that's just how the story goes. That's just how the story-"_

And that was as far as Quigley got before Duncan threw the notebook to the ground, stepped on it, and began grinding the pages to pieces under his shoe.

**Okay, so that chapter was all over the place. I swear I do have a plot I'm trying to get at. This isn't _Cats. _(I really liked that movie, even though no one else did.)**

**See you next chapter!**


	17. Chapter 17

**I'm back! Because of the pandemic, my school district has been closed indefinitely, so you'll be seeing chapters more frequently.**

**Review Responses: **

**JustVildaPotter: Thank you! Glad you enjoyed!**

**Number Ten: Isadora started the song, and then Olaf added some parts of it when he got the notebooks.**

**Alysscassandra: You're welcome, and here you go:**

Chapter Seventeen

"We have to get out of here!" Isadora exclaimed. It was moments after we last left our other heroes in Chapter Fifteen, standing in Room 524 of the Hotel Denouement, and watching flames make their slow ascent from the ground to the upper floors.

Klaus said nothing, just hopped off the bed, walked over to the projector, and began to roll up the film. "We still have time before the fire reaches our floor. Stop worrying."

"'Stop worrying'? Are you insane?"

"No, my mental functions are in proper working order, thank you."

"Then you know that we have to find the nearest staircase and get out of here!" Isadora was frantically running through a thousand different escape plans in her head, trying to figure out the best one.

"I wouldn't say that we have to do that specific thing," said Klaus, still in a calm and composed manner. "If we ran downstairs, we would end up in a room full of fire, and there would be no chance of escape then." He finished rolling up the film and stored the projector and canisters back in their rightful locations. Next, he walked to the window, shut it, and took Isadora's hand. "Come on."

Isadora let him pull her along; out of the room and down the hall, finally coming to a stop in front of a pair of elevator doors. Rather than pressing either the "Up" or the "Down" button, Klaus pressed both at the same time. The elevator doors slid open with a _ding! _

Klaus began to step in, but Isadora pulled him back. "You _know _that an elevator is the worst possible place to be, right?"

Klaus nodded. "Normally, it would be. But Hotel Denouement elevators become fireproof rooms in the event of a fire." Klaus pulled Isadora into the small, metal enclosed room and pointed to a sign on the wall, just above the panel of buttons.

_"In case of fire," _the sign read, _"please use the elevators."_

Isadora let out a nervous laugh. "You read everything. I love you!"

Klaus smiled, but Isadora thought the smile seemed a little forced. "I know you do."

* * *

Meanwhile, on the ground, several minutes after Klaus and Isadora hid in an elevator, but only moments before their refuge became a trap, Quigley was yelling at Duncan. Again.

"Duncan! What are you doing?" Quigley yelled, watching Duncan rip the pages of Isadora's notebook with his foot, unsure what he should do to stop it.

Duncan said nothing. He kept moving his foot back and forth, back and forth, watching the words of his sister's poem disappear among scraps of paper.

A siren blared, Duncan stopped what he was doing and turned to look at the fire trucks that were driving up to the Hotel Denouement. He stepped off of the notebook. Quigley bent down to pick it up, hoping he could somehow piece the pages back together. But the damage was done. The two pages containing Isadora's poem had been completely destroyed.

As Quigley flipped through the other pages to check for other impacts of Duncan's mass destruction, something a few pages in caught his eye. A short journal entry, dated just after the Quagmire triplets' birthday, two years prior:

_ "What is the worst thing that could possibly happen to someone? If you asked me, I would say that the worst thing is what happened to my family two days ago. To make a long story short, our house burned down, killing my parents and Quigley, one of my brothers. _

_"If you need any more evidence as to what makes this the worst thing, all you have to do is look at Duncan, my only remaining brother. He can barely stand to look at fire, even just the flame on a stove. He won't speak to me or anyone else. Mrs. Poe, the wife of the banker we're staying with, gave us a copy of this morning's _Daily Punctilio, _featuring the family picture we took with our parents this year. When no one was looking, he took the front page up to our shared room and ripped it into tiny pieces. I think he's hoping that when Mr. and Mrs. Poe find the pieces, the blame will fall on their two sons. Of course, I can only guess, because he won't talk to me. It's as if he disappeared into himself, and he isn't showing any signs of coming back out._

_"And me? Well, considering that I'm writing in a notebook as if it's a person, I must say my hopes aren't high. I think I'm going crazy. All I can say is that I hope things get better soon."_

"Duncan," Quigley said softly, tucking the notebook into his pocket. "You know Isadora's going to be fine."

"No, I don't," Duncan muttered back.

"But you can believe it, can't you?"

"Considering _you _don't believe it yourself, no, I can't."

"Survivor of the fire!" Sunny piped up, which meant: "Isadora and Klaus will survive!"

"Exactly," Quigley agreed. "They're going to be fine."

"And what if they aren't?" Duncan demanded. "I know you want me to pretend that everything will be fine, but I've been throughout too much misfortune to pretend."

"I know. And if everything turns out wrong, I can promise that I'll be here, as long as you don't disappear." Quigley pulled the notebook back out and showed Isadora's letter to Duncan, who read it and nodded.

And suddenly, it was as if everything that had happened in the past two years had never happened. Duncan was hugging Quigley, and Quigley was hugging him back, and Sunny had wrapped her arms around Quigley's legs, and the two Quagmire boys felt that, for once, everything was going to be alright. Even if it wasn't.

* * *

Back in the hotel elevator, Isadora was beginning to smell smoke, which must have meant that the fire was making it's way to the fifth floor. It tickled her throat, causing her to cough, and Isadora was thinking, over and over and over again: _Don't panic. Trust Klaus. Don't panic. Trust Klaus. DON'T PANIC. TRUST KLAUS._

"Don't panic!" Isadora shouted.

"I'm not panicking!" Klaus shouted back from his seated position on the floor. He gave Isadora a questioning look.

"Sorry," Isadora came to sit next to him. "I'm trying not to freak out."

"That seems to be going well."

"Shut up."

"Shutting up." Klaus put his pointer finger and thumb together, then dragged them across his mouth, as if he were closing his lips with an invisible zipper.

"So," said Isadora, after a random moment of silence where she and Klaus stared at each other and made weird faces. "What were you doing all day before you came to show me a most horrible movie?"

Klaus shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "Not much, just...normal hotel stuff."

"Stuff which involves?"

"Nothing very interesting. Sunny saved a guy from death by chili, though that was yesterday."

"Come on, tell me!" Isadora insisted. "What secrets are you hiding?"

"I'm not hiding anything!" Klaus said quickly.

"Yes you are! I've spent enough time around Duncan to learn what people look like when they're hiding something."

Klaus sighed and muttered something that sounded like: "Curse your journalist brother." Isadora looked at him intently , waiting for him to go on. Klaus sighed again. "Okay. I assume Sunny told you about the trial?"

"The trial between you and Count Olaf? Yeah, she mentioned it."

"Well, this morning, my sisters and I went to see Count Olaf this morning, to discuss...the trial."

"Okay..." Isadora said, unsure where this explanation was going.

"And we came up with a sort of, um, deal. Then, I came up to see you."

"That's all? Really?"

"That's all," said Klaus. "Really."

"Hmm. What sort of deal?"

"You know, that's really not-" A sound from outside the elevator stopped Klaus from finishing his sentence. "Did you hear that?"

"Did I hear wha-" Isadora stopped before finishing her sentence, as she, too, heard what Klaus had heard.

My dear reader, I will never know exactly what the two children heard, as I wasn't there, but somewhere so close, yet so far. I can only give you the description I have been given, which was that it was a voice with a worse sound than fingernails on a chalkboard (a sound that, ironically, I have never actually heard either). It was a voice that Klaus had heard that morning, and a tone that Isadora had hoped to never hear again.

It was the voice of Count Olaf, in the tone he used to threaten orphans when he had them right where he wanted them. "Klaus Baudelaire! I know you're up here!"

Klaus watched Isadora's eyes widen in disbelief as she looked at him. "How does he know that you're up here?" Klaus mumbled something. "What?"

Klaus swallowed. "Because I told him I would be."

* * *

Now, I must take some time to mention the whereabouts of Violet Baudelaire and Fiona Widdershins.

They were on the ground, busy having a heated conversation with Kit Snicket.

"What do you mean you 'can't go looking for them now'?" Fiona snapped. "The fire department is here! What else are you waiting for?"

"First of all, the fire needs to be put out before anyone goes in there," Kit explained with a sigh. "And second of all, one of our Volunteer Fire Department members has just reported that the room containing the samples of _Medusoid Mycelium _was broken into mere hours ago."

Violet turned pale. "And what does that mean?"

"It means that we will fight the fire from the outside until we're sure that a deadly fungus is not loose in the hotel."

"Is there anything we can do to speed up that process?" Fiona asked. "I've been studying mycology all my life, and I'm sure I could-"

"No, Ms. Widdershins, I'm afraid you cannot."

"Kit," said Violet, "Fiona had every fungus book _imaginable _on board the _Queequeg._ I think that if you let her help, she could really-"

"The _adults _will take care of it from here, Ms. Baudelaire."

Violet looked like she had been slapped across the face. Before Kit could say anything more, she turned on her heel and ran, right through the front doors of the Hotel Denouement.

* * *

"You told him you were coming up here?" Isadora cried. "Why on earth would you do that?"

"We had a _deal, _Klaus Baudelaire," Count Olaf called from outside the elevator. "Now _tell me where you are!_"

"Iz, I can explain," said Klaus. "And I will. But first, I have to-"

"Klaus Baudelaire!" Count Olaf shouted again.

Klaus stood up and walked over to the panel of elevator buttons. He was about to reach his hand out and press the "Open doors" button when Isadora jumped up and pulled his arm back.

"Don't you dare," she growled. "I have spent too much time running from him to have you put us back in danger."

"I brought you a present," sang Count Olaf. " It's green, deadly, and _whoops!_"

"Sorry, Iz," Klaus said, reaching up and pressing the button with his free hand. The elevator doors slid open with a _ding! _but it sounded ominous. "I'm over here! In the elevator!"

Isadora heard the sound of Count Olaf's footsteps padding down the carpeted hallway. Then she heard a thud, an "Ah!", and the smash of something breaking. She couldn't see exactly what had happened, because smoke had filled the hall while she and Klaus had been hiding in the elevator.

Klaus saw the tall, slender shale of Count Olaf ride to his feet once again, and felt something seedy slip down his throat as Olaf came closer. Next to him, Isadora made a face and coughed. Klaus realized what must have happened. "We need to get out of the hotel," he whispered. "_Now._"

"I'm not going anywhere with you until you explain yourself," replied Isadora.

Klaus pulled her back into the elevator, closed the doors, and began to explain.

* * *

It was a couple hours earlier in the day. The three Baudelaires were taking the stairs to the lobby, in order to avoid the crowd waiting for the elevator.

When they reached the lobby, Violet walked to the concierge desk and struck up an animated conversation with Fiona, while Klaus and Sunny walked sneakily past the desk to a cupboard just behind it.

Sunny kept a lookout for any innocent passersby while Klaus unlocked the cupboard door with a key Kit Snicket had given them. The youngest Baudelaire then ran over to the eldest, to pull on her pant leg and inform her that the cupboard was open. Violet picked Sunny up and smiled at Fiona, waiting for her to get back to concierge work before dashing into the cupboard.

"That was close," Count Olaf remarked, when all three Baudelaires were safely inside the cupboard with the door closed, though perhaps "safely" isn't the right word. "Surely there's a less conspicuous place to have this conversation?"

"There would be, if you weren't chained inside here with only a dictionary for company," Klaus said, indicating the handcuffs that attached Count Olaf to a ring on the wall, and the Count's correct use of the word "conspicuous".

"But you three are smart enough to do something about that, aren't you? After all, you didn't read an annoying amount of books for nothing, did you?"

"We will help you get out of this," Violet said slowly, "if you do something for us first."

"Hmm?"

"You'll stop this trial from happening," instructed Violet.

"And then you'll disappear," said Klaus.

"And you'll keep your hands off our fortune."

"Begone," squeaked Sunny, which meant: "We never want to hear from you again!"

"Alright, alright." Olaf agreed. "Let's get started."

Violet pulled a bobby pin from her hair, knelt down, and picked the lock on the metal cuff chaining Olaf to the cupboard floor. She exited the closet to once again distract Fiona, while Sunny and Klaus snuck Olaf out of the cup and into the elevator. Luckily, the few people in the lobby at this time in the afternoon were too oblivious to notice the convicted murderer being smuggled across the room.

The two younger Baudelaires rode down to the basement, keeping their eyes on the criminal next to them. Reaching the bottom floor, they stepped out, following Olaf as he purposefully strode toward the laundry room.

"The Sugar Bowl isn't in there," Klaus warned, walking quickly to catch up.

"I know that," Olaf said. "But there's something else in here that I need of you want me to go through with your plan."

Klaus looked confused. Olaf brushed this off and ordered the boy to open the Vernacularly Fastened Door to the laundry room. Klaus obeyed, letting Olaf push past him into the room when the door was opened. The villain picked something up from a laundry cart; Klaus couldn't quite tell what it was.

"Now, to stop the trial," Olaf announced dramatically. He looked around the room, seeming confused. "But...how do we do that?"

Sunny stepped forward to propose and idea. "Arson," she said with no emotion, featuring to the jugs of bleach and detergent piled on a corner.

At this, Olaf's eyes lit up. "It seems I wasn't completely useless as a guardian after all!" He fished in his pocket for the lighter he always had on him, while Klaus picked up and opened a jug of detergent.

The middle Baudelaire felt, as he handed the open jug to Count Olaf, before turning and running from the room in search of Isadora, alone upstairs, that this was the only thing that could be done.

**Was this confusing? I sincerely apologize if it is, as I haven't written in a long while. **

**I hope everyone is staying safe and healthy, and I'll see you in the next chapter!**


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